Exnavy_76's profile

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AGE: 65
LOC: Reno, NV
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 11

This photo was taken in the Nevada desert along the old California Wagon Train trail. The terrain in the background is exactly what the pioneers came through in the 1840’s.

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Action Adventure / Camp Along The River
Version 1
10 Reviews   0 Comments
February 23, 1847 St. Joseph, Mo. Today we went to the mercantile for basic supplies for our camp. Later we will purchase everything we will need for the journey. I am glad papa purchased for me a heavy coat for it is so very cold by the river. I do like Jack McMenomy and he kissed me today down by the river. Adena Barton Chapter 8 Camp along the River It was another dreary and cloudy morning as they walked from Martha’s Kitchen towards their wagons. Adena looked upward and the skies were thr...
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Action Adventure / She Died
Version 1
11 Reviews   0 Comments
February 22, 1847 St. Joseph, Mo. Today was a bad day, a very bad day. Jack’s mother passed away sometime during the night. The doctor believes she had severe case of pneumonia. I did my best to support Jack. Papa took delivery of our wagon and oxen. He signed us into a company known as a Wagon Train, now we will live out of the wagon and down by the river until the Spring. Adena Barton. Chapter 7 She Died Adena woke to the sun coming through the boards on the walls and shinning in her eyes. ...
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Action Adventure / The Letter
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
February 21, 1847. St. Joseph, Mo. Today was important as papa was going to purchase our wagons. Strange thing happened today, the hotel clerk had a letter for us from Uncle Jessie, there was lots of money in the envelope. Chapter 6 The Letter There was a knock on the door. “Adena, you goin’ to sleep all day? We’re waiting for you so we can have breakfast.” Adena woke to the sound of her father’s voice as she rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The yellow rays of the sun shined through the gaps b...
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Action Adventure / We Made it to St. Jo
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
February 20, 1847 St. Joseph, Mo. We arrived in St. Joseph a few days ago. The train ride was uneventful. Papa rented two rooms in the hotel, it is very expensive. We will be living out of the wagon papa is having made. I had a most pleasant surprise, I saw my best friend. I met some new ones. Best of all, Jack McMenomy is here. Adena Barton. Chapter 5 We Made it to St. Jo Adena and William picked their way along the wooden sidewalks. Men and women were bustling from here and there, everyone ...
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Action Adventure / Moma What Have You Done!
Version 1
10 Reviews   0 Comments
February 10, 1847. Portsmouth, Virginia Plans have been made, we will be leaving for St. Joseph in two days, I am so anxious. I miss Jack McMenomy so very much, haven't seen him in 3 weeks. I won't be able to see him again until we leave or maybe not until we arrive in St. Joseph. The weather is holding and warm, so I went to the beach to sketch the seascape for the last time in my life. To my horror, on the beach I discovered mama and Uncle Jessie both were completely undressed and intimate...
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First of all, I do believe you do have the talent to be a writer. But like anything else, writing takes lots of practice. I attended a writer's conference where the main speaker was a literary agent that handled many first time authors. She told the writers in attendence that a writer needs to write a minimum of four books before he/she is skilled enough to produce a manuscript good enough for publishing. You have a good idea for novel here, but I had a difficult time following it. But that i...
Dreams are excellent sources for ideas for stories. I have written several short stories based upon what I had dreamed. I believe you have a good thing going on here, having said that, I believe you need to take some poetic license, you can do that as it is your dream. What would improve this would be some dialog and some character development. Let your imagination run wild on this dream. Just maybe, the characters will take you by the hand and lead you through this story.
Novel Treatments / Red Ribbon
I do believe you have the talent to make it as a writer. I do like the premise of this story however I wonder if that is enough to make it work. Perhaps your characters will lead you in a direction that will make this exciting. My primary problem with this piece is in the formatting. There are very long paragraphs that need to be broken down into smaller ones. Remember that all lines of dialog are independent paragraphs. Finally, all paragraphs need to be indented five spaces.
Action Adventure / Seeking Justice
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Novel Treatments / Out of Darkness Flashback
You are writing in the most difficult person there is, the first person. As I am reading this, the author is telling me that he/she is the character. What makes this so difficult is that you can't show something else going on somewhere else without the character being in that scene. I believe it would be much better if you would try writing this in the third person. As the third person voice, you can have complete scene descriptions with any character, not just the main character. What you ha...
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