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FLHotnizz's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Fort Lauderdale, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 20
LOC: Fort Lauderdale, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 20
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Version 5
9 Reviews
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PROLOGUE “One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi....” Ten-year-old Domingo Alverez stood facing the corner of the hallway at the Miller home with his eyes closed. He and his friends were playing hide and go seek and he was it. As Domingo stood there with his eyes squeezed tightly, he strained his young ears listening for clues as to where his playmates were hiding. He could hear his best friends Kenneth Miller and Jamal Seasons in the foyer whispering. “Where are you going to hi...
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I really enjoyed reading this, you are a very good writer. You caught my attention from the very beginning as we were introduced to the main character Mel and her thoughts about kids her own age. She seemed to think they were too immature for her, then her thoughts lend her to thinking about Mike. Mike who is her brother's friend and thinks of her as a kid. Your description of the night she was drunk and ended up climbing into bed next to Mike was very good. Her attempts at seducing him, her ...
Great descriptive writing. I like how the story is written totally from the point of view of the host husband and how he imagines what's going on downstairs when he goes to bed and how the idea both arouses and disgust him. Good piece of work.
This short story was really powerful. You painted a very vivid picture with your words. I'm not sure whether I feel pity or disgust towards the main character Martha. She seems to be suffering severe abuse in the hands of her husband and then her son. She has no one on her side, when she finally does exert some sort of strength she ends up accidently killing her son. This short story was brillantly written. Good piece.
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