FireAtWilll013's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Reading, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 06
LOC: Reading, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 06
Well, my name is Janet, I’m 16 years old and a Junior in high school. I love writing my poetry, and I love reading. One of my favorite topics is Vampires, so if you’ve ever read the book Twilight, you’ll see it in some of my stuff. In the summer I work as a lifeguard, so that keeps me busy, and occupied, plus the little kids are funny to watch. (though very annoying at times also)
I’m also getting into photography, I’m in love with taking pictures.
If you feel like IM’ing me for some reason, my screen name is FireAtWill013. =P
Have fun lovelies.
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The car showed up on Friday night, rumbling as if it was alive. That was when the habit started. My body was shoved into the back seat of a small, black car, and a voice from the front told me not to ask any questions. I wanted to know where we were going, but they wouldn’t tell me. Rule one, they kept repeating, rule one. We pulled up in front of an old building and they pushed me down the basement steps. I stumbled over the ragged stairs and fell into a room full of men, ranging in ages of...
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At the age of 12, I confronted my mother about my grandmother’s death. “How did she die?” I asked her. A pained look crossed my mother’s face. “That’s something to ask your father, hunny.” She sent me down to the basement where my father usually spent his time. A smile crossed his face as I entered the room. “Hey Janet, do you need something?” I hesitantly said yes and forced myself to ask the question. “Daddy, how did your mom die?” I stuttered, stopped, and started again. “I mean, it wasn’t...
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I jump the curb and accelerate down the road, gliding softly with the harsh wind. I start down the hill and the bike gains speed. My hands lightly leave the handlebars and raise out from my sides, as if I have wings. The wind against my face is peaceful, and I revel in the moment. The uphill portion of the road rises to meet me and my hands lightly replace themselves on the handlebars. I begin to pump the bike up the hill, the rotations of my feet flowing rhythmically. Right down, inhale. Le...
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She pl aces her h-a-n-d-s on me and e r a s e s her mind. I REach my a r m s o u t and hold her body cl ose She WANTED to l o o s e herself, and I complied. She R-E-a-c-h-e-s TO the sky, ing elate every hope she has. The sun no longer matters. All that is her and I. She wants exists to BE some thing other than No thing. My a r m s hold her form as THE moon be gins to s e. We are both here for mil this ONE mo-ment. She smiles like YOU n e v e r Existed and moves r. She GAVE every e thing h g i...
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She a c p a h p o e r s my a r m s today, not need ing them but w-a-n-t-i-n-g. I am ready to h o l d her, but she has give n her LOVE to another. You came at the d e a t h of Decem ber, but I have been here from the beginning. My l i m b s ake as I am discard h ed, but s still she t-o-u-c-h-e-s me. She s, and I am enlightened. b m i l c YOU make her y, but l f I make her FREE.
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I really like this. The first stanza is my favorite, I really like the words you use and how it flows. It feels a bit unfinished to me, but maybe that's just me.
I think you have nice wording, and as a song it flows, but it seems a bit short. I like your sentences and diction. Now by the note, does this mean that this has already been published, or that it's not yours?
I don't really understand the second Stanza. I also think you need more stanzas. There's only two, and I think you need a little bit more unless you want a one minute song. Repetition isn't always a good thing. Also, take time to spell out your words instead of just putting 'u'. You lose credibility in the reader's eyes as soon as he or she sees that.
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