I really like this, you have really good imagery in here. Your rhyming works well too, some people just can't get rhyming without it sounding cheesy. I really do like this though, you have a good style.

I really really liked this. You had a really good story line and a fairly original story line, you don't see it everywhere. I really like the pen idea, it was simple but it worked well. Some of your areas got a bit predictable, but it was a good kind of predictable since you didn't really want it to happen. I really liked it, good job!

I think you have a good outline for a story here, but I think it needs to be reviewed a bit. You have a few spelling errors, and you could use some more imagery, but I think that it could turn out to be a good story. I think you need to be more clear about the doorway and the entrance, that section confused me a bit. Good though!

Fourth sentence, I would suggest to take out every. It just flows nicer. I think you need some commas in some places, to separate description. I like this beginning though. You paint a nice picture and give us a background story without feeding it to us. I like it, I think this would serve as a good introduction.

I like this, but I think it should almost be classified as poetry. But either way, I like it. It has feeling to it, though I think you need a bit of punctuation and stuff. It's very good.

I don't really understand the second Stanza. I also think you need more stanzas. There's only two, and I think you need a little bit more unless you want a one minute song. Repetition isn't always a good thing. Also, take time to spell out your words instead of just putting 'u'. You lose credibility in the reader's eyes as soon as he or she sees that.

I think you have nice wording, and as a song it flows, but it seems a bit short. I like your sentences and diction. Now by the note, does this mean that this has already been published, or that it's not yours?

I really like this. The first stanza is my favorite, I really like the words you use and how it flows. It feels a bit unfinished to me, but maybe that's just me.