Wonderful work. Aside from a few errors, its brilliant. You could try: instead of "while our stomach voiced" try "while our stomachs" "food stamps that was supposed" try "that were supposed" and "Her littles eyes" try "her little eyes" Just my humble opinion for whats it's worth. Great work, makes you think and feel.

I love Live, so I understand where you're coming from in the notes. I think it has some definite potential, I think it just needs some minor adjustments. Keep up the good work, you have talent!

I am going to start with the positive. I liked the story line and your attention to detail. It drew out my emotions for the little boy who lived that sad story and I think all great works should be emotional for the person reading them. The only thing I'd change is the way the story changes in the middle, I just don't like its placement. I think it would be better at the beginning or the end. Even with the hints of change you gave, I had a hard time adjusting from one viewpoint to the other t...

I quite enjoyed this. It really draws out the memories and has a nice rythm to it. "Loving her in a way they dream about but know will never be" I loved this. I think everyone has someone from their past or present they think about from time to time and wonder what might of been. I don't have anything to offer you in terms of critisim, I loved it. Thanks for sharing!

I liked this. I think it could easily be turned into a nice song. Right now it reads more as a poem though, with out a chorus. The second verse also needs a little reworking. It doesn't seem to flow as nicely as the first and third. It might read a little better like this: "When your grasping for some fresh air" - "When your grasping for fresh air" "But you find yourself still choking" - "But find yourself choking" I also don't like how the "find yourself" repeats on the next line but I'm hav...

The message radiated with me so that was nice. I loved the opening! "Early in the morning, As the sun breaks the horizon, I sense you sitting near me." However, after that it was difficult reading with no concrete rhythm or stanza format. I would personally love to see this reworked so that it flowed off the tongue when you read it out aloud. However, if that is not your wish then maybe you should think about reformating it into a more modern prose? JMHO, take it for whats it worth.

This has definite potential! I really liked it over all. It could use some more detail when describing the places: they psychiatrists office and the apartment especially. You could have decribed everything from the front door, wether or not it was a locked apartment building to the way the lobby looked, to her entry door, the kitchen, you left out a lot of detail! You also said towards the end that she laid down on a couch but that she was asleep the minute her head touched the pillow. Which ...

I like your use of descriptive words. I had trouble finding the flow of the words, but thats just me. I like poetry to flow. I understand not all poetry should. I liked it over all, very well writen.

I thoroughly enjoyed this. Absolutely no complaints.