FleaTheElf's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Riverside, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 26
LOC: Riverside, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 26
My name is Flea and I’m not your typical junior high student. I’m a lot smaller than all the other kids my age and my fellow classmates seem to think I look… well, weird. My facial features – my nose and chin especially – can be described in no other way but sharp; no soft looks here. My ears are also pointy, though my right one has a long split down the middle. I’m not the smartest kid and definitely not the most athletic – if you’re ever picking teams for dodgeball, you may want to choose the band kids or debate team before me. But I am pretty good in workshop class…
I have an incredible story to tell but nobody in the publishing world seems interested to hear it. I hope you are different.
The following is the Prologue of m…
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16 Reviews
7 Comments
CHAPTER TWO Snowball Massacre Once the bell rang to end the day, hundreds of kids poured out of school and into the world of whiteness. It was snowing yet again and Flea could plainly see that his fellow classmates despised the cold weather. Many were completely bundled up in snow boots, gloves, mittens, wool hats, scarves and any other article of clothing made to protect from the winter weather. Flea had heard that this weather was quite rare for North Carolina. According to his teachers, th...
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Version 1
18 Reviews
5 Comments
CHAPTER ONE Dodgeball Dodged The two team captains stood in front of the class, studying the other kids with more attention than any test they’d ever studied for. Finally, the first captain pointed to someone in the front. “I’ll take Rob.” The obvious first choice, Rob was big and burly beyond his ten years of age and therefore able to throw the hardest. The second team captain took an equal amount of time before making the next-best selection. “Cory.” The ...
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Version 1
17 Reviews
18 Comments
PROLOGUE ORIGINS OF OLD MAN WINTER For countless centuries, Old Man Winter ruled his cold kingdom. His massive ice castle was located in the most distant reaches of the South Pole, far away from where humankind ever dared to journey. Luckily, he was spared an existence of complete loneliness by his group of tiny servants, who were not affected by the frigid conditions. These servants provided Old Man Winter plenty of joy from their mischievous and comical antics, but they also served a more p...
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couple more posting - should be postings I would eliminate some of the apartment search conversation between Sarah and (I know, shockingly) Jasmine. I do, however, like the hints at Sarah being pregnant, though if you mean this to be a surprise later you might want to make it a little less obvious. YOUR PREGNANT!! (guess this wasn't meant as a surprise) - but your should be you're I'd eliminate the convo about how to work the pregnancy test, I think most people know how easy they are to use. ...
towards - I would do a find and replace and replace all of the towards with toward (minus the S at the end) The part with Denise enjoying the sex more without knowing that Dave is getting strangled is humorous, a nice bit of humor to add to a tense scene. He gabs her - should be grabs I like the matching outfit dog, another nice funny addition, with these types of slasher flicks, I think as many little scenes like that the better to cut the tension I would omit the part about the maid turning...
I usually start all my reviews with spelling, grammar issues before moving on to other thoughts. Some writers don't mind having errors but I've found that it's one of the most important things when trying to get your work noticed; agents are instantly turned off my a plethora of mistakes. memorizing vanilla sky - I assume you mean mesmerizing? maybe, some wine? - comma not needed Every thing's - should be one word Where you with Jennifer - should be were boyfriend is siting at the table - sit...
hear the winds breath - winds should be wind's have built up a nice - I would take out the word 'up' from this sentence, it's not needed except for company - should be the company take the time look beyond the - should be to look the picture, itself - the comma isn't needed here London Kentucky - should be a comma between city and state the grief my mother’s face - the grief OF my mother's their fundamental nature - don't forget a period at the end of this sentence sheathed in white, “The bra...
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