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AGE: 22
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 20

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Screenplay / The Room with no Doors
Version 1
12 Reviews   0 Comments
Scene One INT. THE ROOM The room is completely dark except for a circle of light. In the middle of the circle, a man sits in front of a desk. He is locked in a straightjacket, and his head is bowed. This is SIMON. On the edge of the circle, half in the light, half in the darkness, stands the DOCTOR. We can't see his face but he circles Simon, questioning him. Simon says not a word. DOCTOR Simon, you’re making this unnecessarily difficult. (Pause) I need you to talk to me. Do you understand? I...
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
A gallant knight Rode forth from a castle cold and grey. The sky reeked of rain and thunder But did our hero stop to wonder If the lightning flash across The sky was an ominous sign? Not for a single soggy moment. A gallant knight Rode forth across a giant Lake to find a grail of gold. With diamond studs and hidden Powers, or so he had been told. Did our hero stop to wonder If the pilgrim shadow had told The truth or merely a feverish tale Of an insane mind? Not for a single Soggy moment. A g...
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Short Story / Conquering Hero
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The gong resounded throughout the subterranean chamber. Its high-pitched ambience signaled the beginning of the end for Mary Schaefer and she began to struggle uselessly against her bonds. The ropes had been tied with grim efficiency by an expert and kept Mary firmly locked in place atop the pagan altar. It was, all things considered, the most uncomfortable altar she had ever been tied to. Carved of stone some 5,000 years previous with this exact moment in mind, it had never seen a single dro...
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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Duke of Gloucester They never know, how my hate does grow. Not even he whose tall and proud insults I have hereto allowed. A hundred whispers behind my back. A thousand unkind stares. Should I bare such injuries timidly? Beware! My stoop and hobbled limp belay an inner imp that plots and schemes and revels in yet unheard screams. One day soon my brothers, both will fall. This is my solemn oath: “Within a year or so, I will see them dead And paint my new inheritance, blood red.”
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Short Story / Words
Version 1
6 Reviews   1 Comment
We are everywhere, in every whisper, in every thought. We are your greatest children and you first true piece of technology. It wasn’t the hand ax that made humanity great it was my brothers and sisters, my aunts and uncles, and yes it was me. We have shifted and molded with time. We have changed our colors like a chameleon but we remain. There is no escaping us. You think you are our masters, our overlords. While it is true that when the first primordial cave man grunted, we were born. Neve...
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Reviews
Short Story / If Persuasion Works
Well I'm interested. I want to know more about this rooster and why there were only 2 people in the graduating class. I like the openning but you need to show not tell. You say this annoyed Mr. James well don't tell me that. Have him grumble or snarl or roll over on his side to block the noise out. "I wish I never shot that rooster,” he muttered, his words lost in the pillow. Show me more about the farm. Where is the Dog? Is he sitting on the front porch wagging his tail waiting anxciously fo...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Well it's an interesting premise. Though your character's motives are a little unclear. How did he make the jump from wanting to prove himself to seeing prison as the way to do it. "Prison is a stark, harsh world that hardens even the most jaded of men, molding them into the very weapons society tries to destroy." This is obviously one of your main themes. This idea colors the entire piece but, to me at least, it doesn't work as an openng line. Its roughly equivelent to saying: "This is what ...
Novel Treatments / Unnamed novel in the works
Well you seem to have a good grasp on who the charaters are, although I don't know how the two pairs connect yet. You seem to have given Jack and Rebecca the most thought. Seems promising
Poetry / Twisted Rant
Locked
Personally I like the first ending better. It's obviously the intended ending as the second one feels forced. Which ever ending you use, I would give the babies names. It's easier to care about the baby mice when you know their names ( as long as they aren't called Mickey or Minnie) Also, in terms of suspense it would be better to introduce the weasel sooner. It could be listening to the story. You could switch back and forth between the mice telling eachother the story, and the weasel lickin...
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Short Story / The Thirteenth Hour

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