FriendsSmile's profile
AGE:
52
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 27
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 27
A disillusioned senior technical writer and editor who is now, possibly delusionally, trying to focus on the creative, non-linear side of writing.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
her claws sunk deep and grey matter split, shattered; reduced to basic components: strived to stay alive say anything, anything; agree: a foot, another, stay alive twisted threads, warp and woof, heavy and weighted by wire bound tongue, knotted mind say anything, anything; agree: one foot, another, breathe copper scented saltwater flowed from pain-laden eyes crying anything;anything I’d say anything, I’d agree: a foot, another, I stayed alive
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
6 Reviews
9 Comments
winding arroyos: wild Santa Ana winds whip smoke into my eyes
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
6 Comments
winding arroyos: wild Santa Ana winds whip quite impressively
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
winding arroyos: wild Santa Ana winds whip quite impressively
Version 1
11 Reviews
13 Comments
acid words, honey covered, hiding arsenic poison drippling, scorpions scurrling, eating eating, eating sanity; mummy love, mummy loves-- voice soft, lilting, matronly--really loves y’all quiet, placid, kowtowing and kissing our feet; loves y’all silent stone, underfoot, groveling, face grounded, ground into the ground, mouths filled with dirt. Do not talk, listen: hear the love, y’all know we really loves y’all bad blood and all, filthy, filthy, dirty childs acidic scenes --iron skillet slung...
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Reviews
Hip Hip Huzzah! You say it well. I know you aren't looking for kudos, but I sure hope you keep on putting this out for people who want to be writers. Those who do want to take college level fiction writing classes need to ask the professor if he or she has been published--and paid for it!
Ah, the paper doll syndrome--what I called it back in the 80s when the internet was incapable of supporting downloads. This is a really interesting piece,and I can sense frustration. but I am not sure why you have it in Criticism and not poetry. If, as I suspect, it is a piece of poetry, the long lines of each stanza are not "pretty": as a reader of a work on paper, they throw the cadence off. Also, if poetry, I would suggest reduce, reduce, reduce. The constant use of "you" and "I" becomes s...
This is one of the better pieces I have reviewed recently in the poetry category. You make your point, and indeed, it is ironic. The imagery works well, and the emotion builds as the piece closes. I wonder about the punctuation a little. For example, I don't know that the first line needs a period; with it in place, it seems to fragment your first thought. I also believe the line "Missed a moment" detracts from the crisp words used elsewhere: you could cut it and the piece would, I believe, b...
I like some of your imagery, for example, the aroma of French perfume bumping up against urine. However, I feel the piece feels forced: the narrator reminds me of a carny shouting outside the bearded lady's tent. I wonder if, instead of expostulating, the point you are making might be stronger by focusing on the grit and grime of the scene, while dropping some of the narrative background voice. Be careful of the words you use: for example, while I love the flow of "Hydroponic, supersonic, utt...
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