Frogking's profile

The poem is understood well enough, but some of the phrasing distracted from the feeling in it. Such as "singing praise as sparkle tickles the eye" I've never heard of it phrased this way. I had to get two or three takes to place it. Now, singing praises while the nights sparkle tickles my eye cleans the phrase up. I still have never heard stars sing though. Overall it gave a nice picture of siting through a book watching the night change into day.

I like the honest approach to this topic. This one phrase is almost intoxicated in itself, "Well, if you are like others and me you say that you’re okay to drive and do so." "clich drug campaign" - cliche - I love this statement most "Alcohol is a legal drug; one that is found in the bottle" because it is so true and ignored. Pretty good and could be expanded with more data stats.

I notice you almost got an acrostic theme going there. The story told in here is this pieces strength, however it read more in the form of a story and didn't grab a meter and hold on. First line phrasing was awkward too "she is entirely insignificant" maybe (she felt entirely insignificant). I liked the conflict and fear of dreams most young girls struggle with and how that related to her self esteem.

I like this and it read easily with a nice flowing meter. I'll mention the only thing I find that's a tiny bit awkward is the phrase "Are gifts from the glad" because I've not heard anybody say it (the glad)and it stood out.