GP10Ellison's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Arlington, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 04
LOC: Arlington, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 04
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Version 1
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Chapter 1 The Hand That Feeds The room was one of the most luxuriant he had ever seen. It looked like something out of a Victorian Age movie. There were pillars made of what might have been marble and candles lit all around the room. But the opulent trappings didn’t hold his eyes. It was the man across from him that sat languorously on a wide divan that drew his eyes. When he had been standing he had stood almost 6 and a half foot tall. He was thin but with the body of a dancer. Lithe a...
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Although I have not read the previous chapters I was able to jump in this one without issue. Which is a good sign. Although the character history is covered in the recaps I fairly ignored them till after reading the current chapter. The characters are well thought out and individual enough to stand out separately in the reader's mind. The only issue is that it felt rushed. There are the usual grammatical issues that all writers face but over all it was a good piece of writing. There is a glar...
Yes, it is disorganized throughout and reads like the beginnings of an acid trip :) But there was some nice imagery and I did enjoy it. I'm not sure if you pussed out or not but it did leave me feeling that something was left unsaid that you intended. Like it ended too soon
Although I did like the imagery and believe I understood why it was written, I feel that it still needs to be touched up and tightened to make it publishable. It seemed to ramble a bit until about half way through...like there was no goal other than to write down the images in the writer's head. Very descriptive but seemed without purpose until the middle.
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