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Gaura's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 26
My face looks young but there are years and a spot of wisdom learnt, tucked under that seeming freshness.
I cannot live without writing and relish a string of well made words.
My imagination runs riot and I try to capture its journeys with my laptop.
I’ve travelled this Earth well,through Africa and India and Australia and Thailand and Singapore and Nepal and many other places besides, I’m in England, London at the moment. Now I travel through the inner realms of my head. Who knows what I might find?
If you liked my work, and have myspace- have a look at my page -
http://www.myspace.com/gaurakaruna
and if you send me a myspace friend request, please send me an email letting me know who you are, especially if you’ve …
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56 Reviews
22 Comments
The castle was in a quiet uproar. Search parties spread over every inch of its stone interior, from the wall walk behind the battlements, to the inner keep. Every able bodied person rallied to the situation. Even legless Jvarr the sword polisher, searched the enchanted lake in the centre of the castle courtyard, in his little rowing boat. He rowed quietly of course, keeping his oars deep in the water. Malise had ordered no noise was to be made. The search had to be conducted in whispers, with...
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The beginng few sentences were attention getting, but you lost me with your lengthy description of the pit. Try to insert your dialouge earlier, because I found that to be the most interesting thing. The whole piece could be radically shortened.
This is really well written for the genre it is in, and your age- I'm impressed! My only critisism is that you might want to work on your characterization- though there was some, I'd like to see more- make me feel some kind of empathy for at least one of your characters, so I will like them enought to care about them, and what happens to them, and read the rest of the story. They have unique names, but some unique dialouge traits/character features would distinguish them better/allow me to li...
This story shows much promise, you have an interesting world and plotline built here. However, it does need work. I will point out several things that could be worked on/improved. Your details- details make a fantasy world, killer details bring the world to life, REMEMBER however, that one well chosen detail can do the work of twenty banal ones (these are killer diller details!) Here are some details of yours that could be worked on: ‘large formidable’ – lare is a very general world and doesn...
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