AGE:
33
LOC: Palm Beach Gardens, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Palm Beach Gardens, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
“Fighting solves everything.”
I am originally from Cleveland but now live in Palm Beach, FL. I love the weather hate the taxes. I work as a Karate instructor, (Thai boxing, BJJ, Kenpo) for those that care. I have the most beautiful wife and a wonderful child; I am lucky and thankful for them both.
I write when I can, its usually dark and borderline sinister. I am here to rip apart bad work, and in turn I don’t mind a good hard review.
To anyone that requests a review, wake up I will be brutally honest and try to help even if that means you need a total rewrite no crying about it, if you do not want to get better then do not ask form my reviews. That is the goal after all want to help and lying to you when it needs work is worse in t…
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Spade’s eyes glimmered in the darkness as he breathed out deeply, then slowly spoke. "I will pray for you Frank, may god forgive you for your sins." Franks icy blue eyes narrowed slightly as he leaned forward his lips curling into something that resembled a smile. "You are pray for me..." he replied emotionlessly, his Glock now in his hand.
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
“One long string of numbers, that’s it. That’s what I boil down to. No face. No name. At first, I thought I would parade around flashing an important badge, wearing a dark suit and shades. What did I know? There’s no recognition, not unless you screw up. Then, the whole world sees you and comes down on you, or no one ever sees you again. Me, I’m a ghost. No, that’s not true; even ghosts have a past, something that holds them to this world. My parents were...
Version 1
25 Reviews
28 Comments
Gavin’s eyes opened to unfamiliar surroundings; the normal lethargy of waking was instantly shattered by a wave of confused adrenaline. His head involuntarily snapped side to side scanning the area; a second later his training kicked in, and stopped the frantic motion. He focused himself with a deep breath and took in his surroundings. Sitting, in a bus? What was this about? With a quick glance he observed the other riders they were all military types, and they seemed to be sleeping com...
Version 1
17 Reviews
5 Comments
Steve Mazzagatti is a ref for UFC and IFL and a few other MMA events, and he is by far the worst ever. I despise him because he makes bad calls, dangerous calls and is overall just a bad ref. My reasons are many so I have listed them here. 1 Brock lesner fight, horrible call Mir should have lost but Steve screwed it up. 2. the recent fight with A Johnson, where he was poked in the eye three times and when it finally hurt him soo badly he couldnt go on. What does Steve Mazzagatti do now? He gi...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Steve Mazzagatti Steve Mazzagatti is a ref for UFC and IFL and a few other MMA events, and he is by far the worst ever. I despise him because he makes bad calls, dangerous calls and is overall just a bad ref. My reasons are many so I have listed them here. 1 Brock lesner fight, horrible call Mir should have lost but Steve screwed it up. 2. the recent fight with A Johnson, where he was poked in the eye three times and when it finally hurt him soo badly he couldnt go on. What does Steve Mazzaga...
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I agree good incite but I think you could cut it down to make it more quotable. I would omit the entire second sentence. I think it would still come across as strong or perhaps more so. Gavinswar
I think i would add a trickle of warm blood to the initial hit he receives, It would be a good visual and contrast to the chilled concrete. I would do less to describe the events of the past and give it to the reader in his thoughts, it will come across smoother and add a bit of mystery, the lingering questions. Being as hes trained to Seal level, execution should not be on his mind his only real thought is how to escape, (I suggest reading SAS escape evasion and survival) for incites into th...
The overall pull is missing from this piece. The writing is overdone. You don't need to describe each sentence with what they are doing, we get it let the words they speak come across to us, and give a few descriptions that are pertinent. It overall feels like a rough draft and is to thin to really immerse myself as a reader. Gavinswar
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