Gilbert's profile

Gilbert avatar
AGE: 29
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 04

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Version 1
7 Reviews   0 Comments
Enrich your world, Living in mine.
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Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
It’s so dark in here. Sitting in this murky cell, I can’t even see my own hands, my own body, my own feet. All I can do is sit here and listen to my heart beat incessantly. It ushers me forward each tortuous day, never ceasing for a second even though it may be for the best. As I lie here, next to a pile of my own decaying excrement, I wait. I wait for the day when my heart will stop so I can rest peacefully. Eternally. . . I’ve always had these feelings. Feelings of gloom and despair. I don’...
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Version 1
7 Reviews   1 Comment
- Chapter 1: Fran and Maribel - “Fran.” “Fran?” “Hey! Fra-aaaaan!” Fran opens his eyes and sees the blurred image of a young dark haired woman. Her light blue dress dances around the contours of her body as she limps her way across his room. “Oh. Hi Maribel! Good morning!” Fran is quite surprised because she never visits him this early. “Good Morning? FRAN! It’s two cycles past midday! I was worried about you! I thought you had a heart attack or something!” Fran, still dazed, can hardly make ...
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Version 2
2 Reviews   1 Comment
Mommy I like it when you sing me lullaby's, When you caress me and kiss me to sleep. I like it when you give me good food, And when you tickle my little feet. But mommy, Why do you cry now? Is it because I've been bad? Don't cry mommy, I'll eat my food next time. Why do you keep on crying mommy? I ate all my food today. Where's daddy? Is he mad at me too? Why don't you sing me any lullaby's anymore? I'm being good, I'm staying quiet, I'm eating my food. I miss your kisses and smiles. Mommy, w...
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Version 1
7 Reviews   7 Comments
When the moon shines brightly on the calm flowing sea, What do your thoughts, hopes, prayers encompass? Is it your lovers' raidant gleam? Is it your future, your past, or love ever-last? Will those thoughts be lost in the dark, cold, sea of life? Or will the moonlight guide you through your strife? Whatever it may be, know this: Your life is yours and to persist, Through cold seas and darkened mist, Will lead you to your dreams To your ever-lasting bliss.
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Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / The strangest story ever told
The piece starts off a bit slow and then picks up towards the middle during the conversation with the girl on the train. The beginning would be greatly strenghtened if the story can be shown more instead of narrated. For example, background stuff like the part about the letter "X" can be told in smaller chunks throughout instead of being told in one lump sum. On the other hand, the story picks up towards the end. One last bit of advice is that I would cut down the length of the paragraphs. Th...
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Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Art
It defines artisic people well.
Novel Treatments / Terra Nullius
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A very interesting depiction of someone in the gay community. As someone who has a lot of friends who are gay, I know some of the situations that they go through and your piece captures that flavor very well. The depiction of Mark being attacked was chilling and had me hooked. One suggestion that may make your chapter more powerful would be to add a bit more description between the dialogues in Mark and Walter's conversation.
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