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GoreyGirl's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Kathleen, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03
LOC: Kathleen, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03
I prefer grey to gray, though I write in American-English. I’m dyslexic.
Favorite authors/poets/playwrights include: Tom Robbins, Emerson, C.S. Lewis, Kafka, Anais Nin, Thomas Pynchon, Seaborn Jones, Mark Twain, Kerouac, Vonnegut, EE Cummings, Burkowski, Allen Ginsberg, Robert Heinlein, William Blake, Moliere, Dylan Thomas… I could go on and on, but I’ll stop now.
I hope for honesty and civilty in all reviews as I know that I’m forever learning and I will give the same.
much love.
Items
Version 5
4 Reviews
4 Comments
Live Oaks Hurricane Katrina’s destruction was well known and well publicized. Yet, when most people think of the damage she caused they might picture New Orleans, the Superdome, or the ...
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Version 8
0 Reviews
0 Comments
She comes from sun dried military stock. A canned, condensed soup state of being. Prepackaged lifestyle with a Tabasco kick. She was raised upon imaginary choices wrapped in free education. Walking near the tracks, she’s reminded of conveyor belt homes Occupants borrowers of three-bed, two-bath Siamese duplexes How they all chase their Motrin-for-whatever-ails-them With Budweiser or Kool-aid and how She’s as Americanly processed as they come. Now gratefully on the other side of th...
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Version 1
8 Reviews
7 Comments
Your head, entangled thoughts: I finger them out with love, admiring the mind works beneath. Outstretching the contents of lucid grey matter until these Power Lines, held high in tensions, they whimsically grieve. These are the constant reminders of Connections and Currents, of previous civilizations held high upon crucifixes, lining well traveled roads of thought. Yes, feral life once frolicked and thrived, but now it hides.
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Version 2
8 Reviews
5 Comments
Once i met a guy who complimented my teeth, which i was self conscious of. He said that my grin reminded him of an anorexic vampire, in a sexy sorta way. Then he asked to see my fingernails & i never did decide who the odd one was, him for asking or me for showing. Either way, when i saw him after that i always covered my smile & wondered if my nails were clean.
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Version 2
7 Reviews
9 Comments
Progression is the Sub-Burbs fencing themselves in, guarding the Vinyl-Siders from the sore sight of old El Camino. He only forgot he had somewhere to be, temporarily at rest, still, his gaze in such forward focus that not so much as a rear view glance overcame him. And all the while those Vinyl-Siders sneered, "The old stubborn beast Won't move." As he progressed in rust and dryrot They built around him, enclosed him into 3 walls of pressure treated pine, then branded him, soap writing hiero...
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Reads as stream of conscious writing. Which I'm assuming from your notes that you probably write in most of the time. Since you have thoughts that spill forth so fluidly, you should work on setting to prose or poetry form. I think you would be good at that from this bit.
Lines 20 thru 29 were a bit hard to follow. Maybe a carefully place comma or period could fix this. As is it is the stumbling block of the poem. I couldn't manage to grasp the images as a whole, only as the individual bits. The rest of the imagery is superb. My favorite lines were the middle of line 7 following through to the beginning of line 20. Those were the images that resonated after I read. I hope to read further rewrites of this piece.
Here I would connect the two parts with 'that is' or 'who is' With his piercing blue eyes, he is looking over at a man… standing behind me. I would suggest being more sure of yourself and avoid using terms such as might be or (must be) or I think, I heard once that men make better writers because they are more sure of what they are writing. (Ug!) But I've taken that advice to heart. and it (must be) fall because the trees are turning gold and red and there are leaves all over the walk. Your d...
The opening paragraph sets up the essay nicely, I think that the thesis was the last sentence of your first paragraph. I don't think the semicolon after 100,000 users was necessary, since what followed it didn't read to me like a complete sentence. Both sides of the semicolon should be able to stand alone. If you copied and pasted from Word, then that might have messed up your style, because it seems the following short paragraph referring to Ecstasy as a designer drug was to be separated fro...
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