This does create a sense of suspense and manages to pack a whole story into very few words. I suggest deleting "Once"; it is unnecessary. I think you meant "pulled out" not just "pulled." I am not sure a facial expression can be "elegant"; that word is usually used to describe style and design. Maybe "polite" instead? I like "the TV sprang to life."

I like stanzas 3,4 and 5. In the first paragraph you use a type of non-standard wording that I notice is becoming common in poetry these days, but I don't like it. No one actually says "put key to ignition" so it sounds stilted or pretentious. Why not say "put the key in the ignition." It's true it's 2 more words, but at least it's the way people actually talk. Or, something with a bit more detail, such as "holds the key a half-inch from the ignition" perhaps. The last stanza sounds preachy. ...

I like the progression of the story and some of the rhymes. There is an inconsistent meter."Surely enough, he took a massive overdose," doesn't fit with the rhythym of the rest of the poem. Read it aloud and you'll see what I mean. There are other lines with the same problem. Did you mean "with Mrs. Butterworth's syrup"? Why not maple syrup? I would stay away from brand names. The last stanza is contradictory. Who did he step on? Rather, it seems he self-destructed. This is a story we are all...

I like this poem. It seems like it is about a forbidden love of some type. "But deceive it" I'm not sure this is a correct use of the word "deceive".."bite" doesn't quite fit with the theme. Biting what? Surely not each other. The last two lines should be "Try TO erase it; will we ever face it?

There are interesting ideas and images here. It does not really read like a poem though. It comes off as a bit preachy. I think you should rewrite it as a short story or a longer poem and make the beach sequence a dream someone is having...the dreamer needs to be a character. Right now it's you telling a story but it's not clear who "you" are...this makes it come across more as commentary than creative writing. I think you need to decide what the mood of the poem/story is...for example Poe's ...

This overall image works well but the writing needs some revision: Keys don't "sit." The keys are part of the piano; they don't sit on top of it. Doesn't the pianist "pull up" a bench? And could it really be made of marble? Or am I misunderstanding this poem and taking it too literally? Is it about something else or is it about someone playing the piano? "begin to" fuse is unnecessary; just say "fuse." "Taming an inner beast" sounds clicheed. "To the climax, falls a dead hault" doesn't make s...

I am not sure from your comments whether you really want a critique but then you put it in the review queue so I am going to review it. I think this is an interesting idea. I think comparing hands with "heart" and "mind" should show the old phrase "seeing is believing" in other words, what we do with our hands might have more of an impact than words that generated in our minds or feelings from our hearts. You did address that in the first two stanzas. I think you personified the hands too muc...

I find this poem intriguing although somewhat mysterious. I wondered if it might be about a woman whose longtime husband has had an affair, and she is hoping he will stay and comfort her even though he is no longer in love with her. The images are quite interesting. Suggestions for revision: "my hand in my valley" what could that possibly mean? Maybe you meant "my hand in THE valley"? "it's" should be "its."

It doesn't surprise me. The meter of the last line is off. "announced" and "out" don't rhyme...how about, "Of Iraq, but did shout" that would rhyme with out.

Well James Ellroy is certainly a colorful character. The strength of this is the quotes. You are right to use many of them. I hope you won't be offended if I tell you that most of the rest of it needs to be rewritten. The problem is that you are telling the audience what happened in a very didactic way. Instead, you need to describe the action as if it is happening right now. You do that in the beginning then it deteriorates. Here is an example of how I would rewrite Paragraph 4: "Ellroy, 61,...