Grendel's profile

no comma after "depend on her" "...possible scenario, they were trapped, between..." ...possible scenario. They were trapped between... "Mars self defense force" capitalize all "had made sure put" This makes no sense. Did you mean "had made sure to put"? no comma after "international law" If this is Martian airspace,shouldn't that be interplanetary law? I like this opening paragraph. It sets tension immediately and doesn't overload the reader with background information that can be given late...

"She did her usual" seems too contemporary a turn of phrase. Maybe changing that to something like "She behaved as usual" would make it less jarring. (The same goes for the expression "fence-sitter".) "...the Braduccan king six hundred years ago..." A good try at working some history of this world into the story, but it doesn't _quite_ work here. For one thing, it has a touch of 'As you know, Bob...' to it. Maybe simply changing how the sentence is phrased would fix this. "no-one’s" - two wor...

I always wondered what the "H" stood for... :) Interspersing the narrative with "colorful language" adds to the humor and keeps the list of things going wrong for the protagonist from becoming annoying to read, but I think you should be kind to your readers and at least write the Chinese curses in Arabic letters. "heart warming" I think this is supposed to be one word.