Guts's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: Philadelphia, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 04
LOC: Philadelphia, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 04
{casualy}~ Kiki
{formaly}~ 叫びローズ Screamrose
My “Beaux Amis” calls me Guts
More Me At:
http://Myspace.com/rockerwblover
obtenez une haute, obtenez les baisers et ayez le sexe sauvage, lu, écrivez de sorte que je sois dans aère de l’expression.
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July 20th 2008 2:56 am I’m thinking. I’m thinking more than I’ve probably ever thought. I’m thinking so much, I want to die. I’m thinking about dying. I’m dying so much I’m thinking, maybe I should. I’m thinking maybe I’m mighty as a thousand storms. I’m thinking about what I have to lose. I’m thinking ‘how sharp…’ I’m thinking cynical tangy flavored lollipop. I’m thinking who’s to stop me if I did. … who would even dare. .Eradicate peril first. I’m thinking of cheap tricks, Free tricks The a...
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! REVOLUTION . Plow into your mutiny To your last teeth You are mine What concepts have you? Chew it up Spit it out If you ever eat one So help me I will kill you Rinse out your filthy mouth and try again Rehash your strategy dick face I am the revolution
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I loved how it seemed to run on. I dont see uch of this kind of writing. I liked it ok though I think it could have been a bit more tightly written. Maybe you should rewrite it so it has a smoother read with less three letter words given there be.
Its not that great. It is very self explainitory. But not that interesting. I mean I think the six words chosen got the job done. Everyday being like your whole life I guess, yeah task completed.
As for pulling the reader in, I felt you did that. The beginning was strong, I was indeed pulled in. It did slow down a bit but the dialogue was interesting. Conversation is big in stories and what you have the characters say makes all the difference in convincing the reader. The romance is tempting because it adds another element. Like how starwars had that hole self discovery thing yet had this great love story. And I think you did a swell job expressing how the characters felt. Lots of pas...
It was well written. However I dont think it captivates. I suppose not all stories will be full of twist and turns but a sticky opening sentence to keep the reader glued would be nice.
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