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Guts's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Philadelphia, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 31
LOC: Philadelphia, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 31
♥Naade
http://www.myspace.com/shugrkuhnt
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Pulse. Pt1 Please dont neglect my tightly clinched thighs. My redolent lap, laved I tremble. Simper and shy away. Please dont stop! Please dont dismiss my yearning gaze. Pt2 I give you my famished body with kisses. I'd rather not beg tonight, infact I'd rather say nothing at all, and keep whist before the primrose path. Pt3 Have your way and have mine. Do those things you do... then I will lilt the chorale. Pt4 If you dare, take me to heaven. Pt5 All at once you will understand, why ...
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
The Wind Doe Begging was the spotty lady. Whose song was also marked. And still. And soundless. Wishing kill. Whose heart was also stiff. To which a chary waft, leaves wisp around her piling. Nose before hoof before clinching, wind doe. What grandeur we unearth beyond the empyrean woods. The crawling meadow that gleaming razor bite. To the trees, arrogant trees, that wont bow or arc or curve. Under her dawn at the lowlands’ end is the bluest breeze wide eyed glow. Gaze upon her cerulean...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Between each filthy crevasse Amongst each crusted crease Lay another secret. Live another lie. Pocketed beneath What we do not see Crumbs and gums Stuck in tandems way too deep
Version 1
11 Reviews
17 Comments
I’ve got a Side Note Bitter with truth Lacking compassion Thriving with acrimony That might heighten your already existing stigma. One that might raid your single cell psyche Then grow moldy with in you And for good purpose I will be the vultures And the maggots That will eat the vestiges Then you will be nothing Adamant nothing. Dust, maybe I will forget So that Not even nostalgia is left
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Reviews
Honestly, I feel like I've read this before. It's so very cliche and reminds me of something I'd find in one of the Chicken Soup books. If I were you and still wanted to tell this story that'd been told so many times over, I'd drop the rhyming and grab a metophor or two.
I like it very much. Short,sweet-sorta... My kinda poem. No critique. Just awesomeness. Uh. Keep up the good work.
eh. I think it was readable. Not very enjoyable and that maybe because it was a tad too repetitious. Warming, but what good is warming when the reader is already to bored to take pleasure in it. I do like the part: "so many masks so many layers so many people" That may be the best part! Ok. Now hear me out, I want to suggest you drop all the "I am, I am" after the first "I am."... ...or not whatever... Really, I hate to tell people to alter their work but yeah I think it'd be better.
I loved how it seemed to run on. I dont see uch of this kind of writing. I liked it ok though I think it could have been a bit more tightly written. Maybe you should rewrite it so it has a smoother read with less three letter words given there be.
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