Hawaiianguy07's profile

Hawaiianguy07 avatar
AGE: 23
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 17

Writing is a hobby for me at this point in life.  Im majoring in business and havent realy done more than take a few writing classes as electives.  So far i have just a few stories most of them arent even finished or have a lot of editing and rework to be done.  Anyways, I’d love any and all criticism but do me a favor and try to keep it semi sarcastic and possibly positive, and by that i mean constructive criticism minus the asshole comments that have nothing to do with my stories.

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Flash Fiction / The Book of Kristophur
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Preface: My first name is Kristophur which plays a large role in the end of my story. With that in mind, enjoy.           I had a dream once, when I was young, about writing a book. It was sometime after the second millennium and I had finished school and gone on to bigger things. In my dream, I had become a writer. New York Best Sellers’ of my literature filled my bookcases. I lived in a penthouse above the city in New York. I had gold pens...
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Short Story / Amitty In Astoria
Version 1
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The city of Astoria is located in the northern tip of the Oregon coastline, making it a perfect spot to experience all the elements the state of Oregon has to offer. There are high cliffs overlooking the coastline, chilly winds blowing across the landscape, and an old fashioned frontier atmosphere. You almost feel like you are with Lewis and Clark as they approached the cliffs overlooking the Western Sea. This is where I went looking for a story to tell and I found Amity in Astoria. Day 1- Th...
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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
  A Moment Perceived Through Bloodshot Eyes The smoke filled the room as I peered across the room at a hippie Rastafarian through bloodshot eyes; a puff of smoke bellowed from his lungs while he owned his duecy hit. As the last of the smoke cleared from his mouth he began to cough uncontrollably. . “Should I be smoking this stuff man?” I asked after having the exact same reaction only moments before. “This shit is dank!” Mica announced between coughs. He passed ...
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
      NEITHER ROSES NOR DANDELIONS Standing on the front porch of her two story blue suburban home, the woman gazed down at her garden where she had planted a patch of bright red roses and beautiful blue chrysanthemum. Then, there were the dandelions that grew in between the roses and chrysanthemums. They just started showing up a few months ago. “Cute but annoying little weeds,” she thought as she pushed a strand of her curly brown hair from over her eye. Kneeling ...
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Flash Fiction / The Dock by the Lake
Version 1
4 Reviews   4 Comments
Quiet nights by Three Way Lakes always seem to invigorate Corey’s romantic side, but he would shyly bury them and keep his thoughts hidden from Sandy for many evenings as they spent time together talking on the dock. Tonight though, his Romeo alter ego burst would out of its shell and became Corey’s actual ego. It was a Friday night in a small town and they had been friends for years. They shared secrets and this lake was their secret place. Corey’s finger tips trembled as a...
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Reviews
Short Story / Purple Rhinceroses
Wow i dont know what i would of done in that situation myself. The plot is great, the characters are developed whell and the setting is perfect for the situation. At first, i felt like i needed a little more introduction into the setting but after a few setences i was hooked and felt like i was in the airport looking on as the incident occured. it was a great story and you good at creating a vivid scene.
Short Story / Silhouette
Entrancing i love how the depression seems make all the wonder of her fly away at every instant during the story. You ability to create a vivid scene for a reader to stand in and look around is amazing. I could see the sad faces, the suits gathering in the living roomm, the boys smoking cigarettes, and the imaginary moment when he watched her breath. It was quite an intense moment you captured.
Short Story / The Hasty Highway
I loved this story, its a dreamer story. I cold feel the chill of the air as i read and i could see kyle hasty in the moonlight. I would of like a little more of a description of sarah tho. she sounds pretty and all but i just really have a mental picture of her. for some reason i just assume she has dark hair and is a skinny girl but i cant really say why. other than that it was a great story about dreams and fighting for what you want and not giving up what you got to get it.
well this is interesting i dont know much about poetry or any of the ryhme schemes involved with poetry but they premise is quite a creative concept. So i get that there is a starving boy from 1966 and u r describing him but i am confused after that as to what is rily going on. Maybe a comment could enlighten me?
Poetry / The Pain
Well im not a poet or even know more than a few names of poets but i can say that this is an emotion piece of art. My aches for you and even relates because of my own experiences but alli can say is that writing will let release your pain and set you free great job ur an artist for sure
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