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Heart_of_Slayer's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Sterling Heights, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Sterling Heights, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
What’s happenin’
My real name is Marcelle and writing is what I do. I’ve been doing it since I was…crap, I don’t remember but it was a long time ago. Anyhow, I live in Sterling Heights MI, I’m seventeen, and I’m the man.
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A New Ally Sufoh had left his old life behind to venture off into a world that he knew little of, determined to find and destroy demons whose combined power, legend held to be unstoppable and he didn't even know where to begin. That was the reason he'd brought Jorah along. His faithful companion was born in the demon world and lived amongst them for decades. If anyone would know anything about the Zorbrians, he would. "Jorah," Sufoh said suddenly as they walked aimlessly through the forest, "...
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Sufoh was taken, immediately, to Lord Jayis's dungeon in the cellar of his palace. He couldn't be locked in an ordinary prison. With his skill and a little determination—which he now had—no ordinary prison would hold him for more than the length of time it would take him to make up his mind to escape. Lord Jayis' dungeon was at least guarded by the most elite forces in the tribe—with the exception of Sufoh. Most would believe him to be powerless at this point, however. Not only were his hand...
Version 1
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Darkness thickened the air, penetrated only by the frequent flashes of lighting that sliced a short path through the blackness. The heavy rain pounded Sufoh's body, each drop biting him with chilling teeth until the next drop struck. Now, more than ever, Sufoh could feel it. Something was going to change, and on a night like that, change was never a good thing. Still, he rode on alongside his lord across the vast field and up the mountain outside of the Forbidden Forest. Under his sodden cloa...
Version 1
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THE DEATH OF A DEMON Sufoh arrived at Lord Jayis’s palace in less than an hour. It seemed like only seconds. He ignored the presence of the guards and started through the open gate, only for the two guards to cross their poleaxes in front of him. “Let me pass,” he warned them in a dark voice, “or die.” “I’m sorry, Sufoh,” said the left guard, “but you are no longer—” Sufoh sliced both their throats open. It was unfortunate. They were probably both innocent men with lives and families of their...
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Reviews
You have a good writing style. It's nice and specific, but not overly descriptive. However, I have to honest. I'm not entirely sure what was going on here. I know that Anyo left his horse with a random boy and talking to a captain about something. Is there a war going on? And where did Anyo go? Who is the protagonist? You really show slow down and take these subject one at a time. It's easy to get lost in this.
Well I must say it sure was easy for Kelan to come to grips with the fact that nearly every aspect of his existence is a lie. He wanted to grieve. He WANTED to. But he didn't. He just took it like a shot of liquor. Very gangsta but not very realistic, I'm afraid. I like the warden though. I've always been a sucker for villans and this guy seems pretty nasty. But frankly, his introduction was very weak. First of all, even if you disguise it by sticking it in the vioce discription, telling your...
Not bad. I don't understand how you can bear to make this stuff so short, but I see you do have that description of your character and setting. I guess I jumped the gun on that one. But, you're still lacking the detail. Now don't get me wrong, this story is perfectly enjoyable exactly the way it is. It's easy to get into. However, it would be much easier to get into if it had more depth. At this point, to be honest, I'd say the only thing keeping the story afloat is the fact that you have a g...
I like this story. It's interesting, entertaining and, unlike most si-fi I read on tihs site, managed to keep me interested. The writing isn't amazing, but it isn't bad either. Like most writers, I think you just need to slow down. You had a very good anime-esque discription of Naomi, but you didn't bother discribing anything else. I don't even know what your main character looks like, save for green eyes. You should go back and cram a bunch of detail into everything. You don't discribe the t...
I love vampires and I love dialouge. And this one was nice and long, very interesting and informative. Now...the whole sunlight doesn't kill vampires thing is a nice little twist on the mythology. I don't like it but I'm just one person. I can't help wondering what 'does' kill them, but I'm sure i'll find out later. I didn't see many mechanical errors, but I couldn't help noticing that you didn't keep the scenery very well. Was the whole sunlight thing mentioned because it was daytime? Where ...
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