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Heel's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Guam
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 25
LOC: Guam
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 25
Fifteen years of age [Sixteen this November], and I only started writing when I was between the ages ten and twelve, I think. So, obviously, I’m not much of a skilled writer [Surprise, surprise].
I’m living on the beautiful island of Guam, and apparently that’s as far as I’ll ever go. [No one wants to take me anywhere. Haha.]
I love music. It may not be my life, but it means a lot to me.
I hate schedules and plans, they never work for me. I procrastinate.
I <3 God--insult Him, and I'll hurt you. (seriously)
I talk with no point, and I don’t think before I act [I just do].
But I’m getting a hell of a lot better at controlling myself when I really have to.
...
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Version 1
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You look worried now. In fact, you look scared as you pace quickly back and forth. What are you afraid of? You no longer smile, you no longer speak. You look, and you pace. You walk away from me now, and you never return my glances. You walk by, and then you turn around walking in circles, pacing. Where the hell are you going? I miss how we used to be. That friendship that kept us smiling. That laughter that kept us going. And now you turn away from all we had You go back to your lonely steps...
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The problem with memories is that there are some that you just never can forget. No matter how hard you try. Becaues the vision is there, etched into your mind. And it hurts because they are memories you just don't want to keep. How do you sleep at night When that familiar song, it's velvety music, linger in your mind? and the lyrics scroll past your eyes? How do you breathe knowing that with every exhale and with every inhale, you're continuing to live your life in a world that he's breathin...
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They exchanged false hearts. And each thought it to be true. He looked into her eyes. She looked into his. And each thought it to be love. They hurt each other. And each thought it to be given a second chance. They made broken promises. And each thought it to be easy to mend. They took their time slipping away from each other. It grew painful. And each realized that love can hurt. Especially since it wasn't love at all.
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They always ask, "If you could have one thing in the world, what would it be?" or "If you could be granted one wish, what would you wish for?" I wish, I want, I need for my life to unfold as a story, a novel. Anything with a beginning, with a purpose, with a conclusion. Let me know where I'm going! Guide me! It's not easy not knowing. It's not easy asking more questions. It's not easy going around things when what you really need is the core. The center of all the damn questions, the answers....
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Version 1
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He looks at her window two stories high. He calls her name, sings to her, Throws pebbles softly at the glass- Anything, anything to get her attention. But she doesn't answer. So slowly up the vines, he climbs. Up and up and up, and he peers in through the window pane- taps on it softly. But she's sleeping. So he watches, he watches her sleep as she breathes calmly. And his chest, his rhythm following hers. He smiles at her, opens the window and steps in swiftly, quietly. But nonetheless, she ...
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I do believe most people have forgotten the 'overall' message. It's poetry like this that makes people remember. Good job.
When I first started reading, I didn't understand why you entitled this "Hit and Run" but when I read your last stanza, I did. A relationship that moved too fast, and then they break up without a meaningful Goodbye. I think this piece could go a little further. It sounds a little choppy. The first two stanzas make sense together, but I feel that there should be more afterward. It's a good read and I believe the last stanza says a lot alone.
The last line gives it a staggering end, but it still makes the reader think about time. This poem needs more content. In the first line, you say time flies, and in the second line, you say it's slow. Throughout the poem, you only explain how time is slow. You should either take out "time flies" or add in more about how time flies. It seems choppy seeing as how you jump right into the question. Was jumping out at the reader your intention? If it is, try to elaborate more.
This poem tells me of a person who has something to say, but can't find the right words to say it. And no matter how hard he tries to say something, it doesn't come out the way he wants it. This poem is inspirational to those kinds of people, and I think it is very well-written. The only part I didn't understand is "...of ire and fire..."
66.6667% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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