I think this story has great potential. I believe that there needs to be a little more umph to grab and hold the readers in the first chapter. Since her father passed I know it's important to show her memories, but I think it goes back and forth too much and the memories in my opinion should be more heartfelt, how special they would be to a five year old. Other than that I have no complaints, great writing, look forward to reading more or your work.

I like this so far, it's very appealing and I would definitely continue reading it. It flows nicely, and is an easy read. I do think there are a few commas missing. Also I don't think you need "Mike Malone, Tommy’s cocky older, tough-guy brother" and "Mike, the older, stronger, cocky bastard" It's just a thought, but I really like what you have going so far. Look forward to reading more of your work.

Very cute. One of the most understandable Haiku's I've read on this site. Very clever, Very nice!

I like this story, I'm glad it includes a positive message for the readers. It's well written and will holds the readers attention. The only thing I would think about is " He was raising you, but you always shied away from talking about your home life. I guess I couldn’t really blame you though. I never really wanted to talk about my broken-home life either. I didn’t want you to see the unhappy life I had. " I feel like the word life is used too many time. The first and last seem okay, I woul...

very nice, one of the good ones. I like this!

Very nice, clever. I'm finding many haiku's that are very appealing & smart to me, this is one.

I did like this story, very cute. I'm not really sure what age group this story would appeal to, but nonetheless it's a good story. There doesn't seem to be many - any grammatical errors. I do think the story could be a little longer, and have a more entertaining ending.

I would really like to see where this story goes, it's intriguing and would grab hold of many of the younger readers and leave them anxious for more. I do think giving more insight into Alison and who she is, aside from being small, would do the story some good and you could also lose, rearranger, or reword "abnormally odd", I don't know maybe it's me but it doesn't seem to fit well there. I do like this so far and look forward to reading more of you work. Keep it up!! By the way, the note sh...

I like this, it definitely has the potential to be a Triple Crown or Urban Books publication in my opinion. From the Introduction alone I think this can go so many ways and has so many options. It's definitely something I would read and look forward to reading the next chapterS and more of you work. Great Job. There's not really much I would change about this.

This story is really hard to get through, it seems like you didn't go back and reread your work. The opening in my opinion is not needed or if you feel it's a neccesity it could use some reworking. I know you said ignore the misspelling but that makes it even harder to get through t he story while I'm trying to understand what exactly you're trying to say I the story doesn't flow well. I do think the idea could be a good story, but needs some serious reworking and spell check.