Humata's profile

In your second line you don’t give reason for such a racial slur, and no actual experiences that explain the anger in it. By the end it seems you mean, ‘metaphorically in their souls’, but if so you need to say that and maybe wrap up the whole by coming back to it and explaining it. The rest of the first paragraph is confusing. It’s something you keep doing throughout the piece… say something, take it back, and then wander off somewhere else. Here you should be clear about the main idea of th...

Firstly, I did like this. It has clarity if not mind. The dialogue is your strong point. There is skill in it. The situation fleshes by it and it moves things and informs. The detail in general is both strength and a weakness. The piece comes across as excessively cerebral given all that happens, other than a phone call and the hero wears a camera on his head as he wanders passively through his day, is he vomits. Clothes get perused. Ambiances entrance. There is a constant negative commentary...