Huntress080's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: KC, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 07
LOC: KC, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 07
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Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
Dr. Karissa Wolf was about to walk into a room with very important men and give a presentation that would either break or ruin her career. She knew that sje had some supporters in there but she also knew that she had detractors. As she walked into the room she was happy to see Dr. Elliot and Major. Ryan her biggest supporters to date. Then she noticed Dr. Fielding her biggest crittic. When she saw her all she could think was, "jealous old fart, who sh...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
My name is Lillian Baker I died eightteen years ago and went to hell. I had a husband and two children before I died, I had a good life or at least I thought I did. I suppose that maybe I would have had a chance at heaven if it hadn't been for Jerry Roads. Jerry was the little league coach for my son's little league team. He seemed like a good honest person, he didn't look the part of a pervert. I think that I always expected them to look differnt from regular people and I was wrong and it c...
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Cleo and Marsh arrived at the hospital all bloody and torn. Cleo parked the stolen car in the hospital parking lot. She was staring at her injuries and Marsh's. As bad as her injuries were she knew that they would eventually heal and that she didn't need to see a doctor. Marsh on the other hand wasn't as lucky as her, he didn't have any ability to heal himself. Out the vast things that she could do Cleo did not have the power to heal others. "Do you think that you make it on your own in thei...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Cleo and Marsh arrived at an abandoned warehouse with the armed goons that the Danvers had hired. Cleo turned to Marsh, "are we in a neighborhood where people will care if they hear screaming?" The goons found the question amusing and one of them said, "no were not, if any of these people heard any screaming at all it would be just another normal noght in the ghetto." I am going to enjoy killing you Cleo thought but she had to pick her moments carefully. The Danvers couldn't have picked a be...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Cleo and Marsh arrived at the Danvers building with the costumes that he had bought in hopes of fooling their security. When they arrived at the building Cleo had a flicker of conscience. "Look man, you don't need to do this. Its my battle, I can do this by myself. There is no need for both of us getting killed on what's probably a suicide mission." For a single second Marsh thought about it, "no, this is both of our battle." Both of them took a deep breathe and then walked into the building...
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Reviews
I feel as though that you have the emotions and the feeling of the characters down cold but I found myself wanting more of description of the things that you were talking about. For example I would have like to have known more about the house that she was entering into than it was a one story brick house. My main concern was she drawn to his eyes so much. Did she feel as though he was sucking her in some how. His eyes were the color of the deep blue see, or the most precious gems in the world...
I'm sorry but I think you are spending way too much time setting up the scenery and the background and not on your characters. Why did it take to page 4 for one of you characters to say something. Personally when I am reading something I like to know what the character are thinking that gives me an idea of what their all about. Pabst and Matt seem like very interesting characters and I would like for you to get into their heads a little bit more. You do have a very interesting location for yo...
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