Icarus_in_Asbestos's profile

Icarus_in_Asbestos avatar
AGE: 32
LOC: Savannah, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 19

Painting. Drawing. Writing. Reading. Walking. Breathing. Biting. Listening in on other people’s conversations. Reminiscing with people I have never met.
These are the things I enjoy.

I’ve only been writing for a very short while, actually. I’d love a little honest feedback. My ears are open.

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Items
Short Story / Into Thin Air
Version 6
0 Reviews   0 Comments
You could tell that the little girl desperately wanted it all to be real. Half of his work was already done. It was well past her bedtime, but nothing - not the milky veil of sleepiness, not the gentle pleading of her concerned mother, not even her nagging cough could drag her away from the television set. It was her constant companion through these difficult times. It gave her strength, its soft glow casting the dark away from her weary face. It was her magic box, and tonight it housed a mag...
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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Now that I had a plan to get out of my current situation, I needed the means to make it happen. Getting a regular job was out of the question, and before the world goes accusing me of being your typical slackass, more likely to party away my time than work, let me say that while I am most certainly lazy in some regards, I am motivated in others. I would have loved employment, unfortunately I was considered by most to be unemployable. My work related history was spotty at best. I hadn't worked...
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Short Story / My Toys Won The War
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The tiny tin soldier advanced over the hill, guided by the dust speckled hand of a young boy sheltered from the crimson realities of war. Removed from its uncertainty and its insanity - the suffocating horror of mustard gas, the fiery breath of exploding bombs, the fatal sting of shrapnel. The only wounds his tiny warriors would receive were the dings and wear of time. The only blood to be shed was that of a child at play. He was removed from the sacrifices of boys become man just few years o...
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Novel Treatments / Icarus In Asbestos Chapters 1-3
Version 3
7 Reviews   0 Comments
ICARUS IN ASBESTOS by BRIAN A. THORNTON *RECORD* Fuck the Great American Novel. Fuck reality television. Fuck irony. Fuck self-help. Fuck intervention. Fuck idol worship. And fuck you for buying into every last bit of it. Wait a second. I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. Maybe instead of berating you , I should explain precisely where all of this misdirected angst is coming from. Maybe after hearing my somber tale, you and I will relate on some level and part ways as better peo...
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Novel Treatments / Icarus In Asbestos Climax
Version 2
4 Reviews   6 Comments
I came to the looming, gold painted door and slowly turned the handle. It was unlocked - an obvious sign that I was in the right. Inside, Jean was kneeling on the paint speckled wood paneled floor, a brush in each hand. He tapped them together, coaxing drops of red and blue to fall like rain to the nearly filled canvas below. The canvas, half the size of his studio and bound to the floor by heavy masking tape, competed with thunderous chamber music for the attention of a maestro. I stepped cl...
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Reviews
Short Story / Fall
Page one: I really like your opening sentence: "When I saw your eyes so suddenly changed, I remembered how, that very morning, I’d stood and gazed at the limp leaves in our driveway, drowning, drifting, piling up to choke the throat of the grid – you know, the one at the mouth of that oil slicked gutter, as they do at the end of a serious rain." Your words are very poetic and the imagery used really sets the tone for what follows. The dash between "grid" and "you know" slows the pace just eno...
Short Story / merlot and a muted mouth
First page: Not in love with your opening sentence: "the table still looks great, the candles are still burning and we’re into our third bottle of merlot." It's very bare bones. It reads more like a minimal scene description from a screenplay than the opening line for a short story. Doesn't really grab the readers attention I'm afraid. The dialog is fine so far. I had a bit of a problem with the usage of "shall" in this bit: “of course. what shall we pass out to tonight?” but I guess it's sup...
Novel Treatments / the beast rises
Page one: Liking your opening line: "Not even enough time to change my last name to his, or add his to the mailbox." It establishes a foreboding mood, and it's a creative way to show that the protagonist is a newlywed without outright telling the reader. Good job. The content is fine, but there are a few spelling errors here and there, and you tend to use lowercase 'i' when you should use uppercase. It happens so much that I must ask if it is a stylistic choice or not. Also this sentence: "So...
Novel Treatments / Chapter One of Novel
Page one: First thing that stands out is the opening sentence, but not in a good way, I'm afraid: "Emilia Sedley sat looking into the pages of Joan Wallach Scott’s Feminism and History (Oxford Readings in Feminism) sitting on a rocking chair in her meagrely furnished flat in New York." Aside from the misspelling of the word meagerly, this sentence has a bit of redundant information in the form of "sat" and "sitting". Maybe something like this would be better: "Emilia Sedley sat in her rocking...
Short Story / Cleansing
Page one: First, I'd like to say that I really like your opening line: "Though the demons of chance spy upon us, it is not us they see, only our indecision." It grabs your attention and sets the mood. Great job. You weave your words wonderfully, by the way. Great reading until we get to the line: "I kept walking, as fast as I could, though each footfall seemed in slow motion." This sentence is fine, but I really think it would flow much better if it were written a little differently. Maybe so...