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IndyWalsh's profile
AGE:
15
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 16
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 16
My name is Amelia Amuso [search it on myspace]. I’m a creative writer from Melbourne, Australia. Everything that I write comes from either a base thought, or a desire to tell a certain story or be a certain character. That’s pretty much what drives me to write. I don’t want to be the ‘easy’ writer, writing about the average or everyday things.
I’m here pretty much, to get better at what I love doing, that being through your reviews. I rely a lot on support and the criticism of my readers, after all, you are what will make or break me. If you’d like to see me achieve my potential, give me an add, or a review or a message. I love hearing from you. And they are always, when possible returned. I feed of this kind of stuff!
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Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
4 Comments
The sun was only just beginning to set on what seemed like the longest day in Ryan’s life. The sun’s rays continued to peak through the clouds, which moved along in the gentle breeze, as they had done for most of the day, creating the most beautiful golden haze across the countryside, the skies began to burn a warm shade of amber from over the distant hills. The deep blue of the sky above seemed to compliment the rich oranges and golds of the autumn landscape, and crispness of fallen leaves....
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
17 Reviews
15 Comments
The bottle was less than half-full, Ryan’s fourth in a matter of days. The empty bottles of Johnnie Walker, both Red and Black labels, lined the walls of his small room. He lay on his bed, bottle in one hand with the other tucked behind his head staring blankly at the ceiling above going through the events of the past week. From the twisted metal scattered across the spread of road, to the phone call that told him his best friend had been in an accident. It played in his head like a broken re...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
13 Reviews
7 Comments
The bottle was less than half full, Ryan’s fourth in a matter of days. Alternating bottles of Johnnie Walker Red and Black labels lined the walls of his small room from the week before, the lids aimlessly scattered across the floor, it looked like he’d thrown them from a distance and left them where they’d landed, which is what he had done. He lay there staring blankly at the ceiling drinking more and more as the hours passed. His t-shirt smelling like a mix of sweat and the alcohol that miss...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
A locked door awaits The key with such perfect fit Open up once more
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
7 Reviews
4 Comments
A locked doors awaits a key with perfect fit to Open up once more.
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Reviews
I think a lot could have been done in the very first few lines of this.. short story/scene. The character says she doesn't like the house -- PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR IMAGERY! -- Which in simple terms is just describing the setting and mood. -- Google for further information. Did the house creek? Did it smell? Was it spooky? Was it old? If so, how old did it seem? -- Just different avenues you could delve into when describing the house. As I read further, I see the same mistake made again, lack...
Christ almighty! I'd love it if people didn't take advantage and misuse Urbis. Its almost like writing: I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tard. I'm A Tar...
Your begining lacks interest. "It was Taylor’s first night at home from boarding school.." Could be written better. And rather than telling us about her coming home, show us. Your first three paragraphs could be extended. You have such promise with the things you've written about they just need to be explained further, again, its a thing of interest, the more details we're given the more your story will impact its audience. You've managed to squash what could be something really great and exc...
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