IngeBeth's profile

I liked the imagery very much - however- there was a bit too much repetition for my taste esp. in the beginning- for example -the verse(s) -from the shadows I call you~ I call you without clamor~Without clamor for I know that you can hear me~ could be changed to simply ~From the shadows I call you ~Without clamor~For I know that you can hear me~ It is my opinion that it would flow a bit better - but it is only my opinion - Otherwise - Keep writing! I wish you the best in all your artistic end...

To be bluntly honest - when I read your preamble I was a bit concerned and I wasn't expecting to like it - but I must tell you - in all honesty - it was an engaging read - there are a few grammmar mistakes such as capitalizations (a lower case "I" - for example) - I loved the dialogue as well (I don't understand why people were so hard on you) - my main reccomendation is to fine tune the grammar and you should be fine - Also I think you have a flair for being descriptive but not overtly purpl...

I think the last lines sum up your poem perfectly ...my main concern, however, is that it is a bit wordy at times for example it is my opinion that you could have done without this particular part - it contributes little to the piece and is confusing(in my opinion): Prescribing more than words Taking paint and brush stroke Away from soliciting limited space Loves enigma beckons general concern Along an infinite canvass unframed and there are slight spelling errors (e.g. instead of "loves" it ...

Overall I think it was a very sweet story - there were a few discrepancies - it is unclear whether the story is being told in 1st or 3rd person -the ending was rather abrupt - too abrupt - I wish you took more time to develop the premise rather than sticking it in at the end - Otherwise your writing shows promise - Keep writing!