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AGE: 18
LOC: Thailand
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 04

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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Conquered -- Chapter #2
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapterv #2: At the Orientation Ceremony        “I’m late! I’m late!”        “Please finish your breakfast first, Young Master!”        The tumultuous sound echoed through out the reception hall of a vast mansion. It was a grandiose mansion with three main buildings in the center of the area. The area around the mansion itself was bedecked with various kinds of flower...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Conquered -- Chapter #1
Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter #1: The Unlucky Twin As if it was the night of the catastrophe. Oh…even the slightest of the silver moonlight; please become the witness through the initiation night of destruction in the Valerius Kingdom. When the midnight sky deprives the stars, it shall be the time when the kingdom is penetrated with an ominous threat. The dark haze and murky mist were spread all over the night as if they had brought the unfortunate indication within them. Soon, the tremendous snow storm started ce...
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Short Story / THE TEARS OF THE PHOENIX
Version 2
7 Reviews   2 Comments
“Check,” a voice announced. “What?!” “Checkmate,” the same voice declared his triumph. “Hey! That’s not fair! I haven’t prepared to lose, yet!” “I don’t care. You’re too careless, geezer.” “Did you just bluff me, Kiril Rouge Aves?!” “It’s your own fault that you moved that knight,” Kiril retorted. His vermilion long hair fluttered while he stood up. He walked across the chamber to pick up his coat and headed toward the exit. “Are you going, now?” “I’ve got a test tomorrow.” York City in the m...
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Short Story / THE TEARS OF THE PHOENIX
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
“Check,” a voice announced. “What?!” “Checkmate,” the same voice declared his triumph. “Hey! That’s not fair! I haven’t prepared to lose, yet!” “I don’t care. You’re too careless, geezer.” “Did you just bluff me, Kiril Rouge Aves?!” “It’s your own fault that you moved that knight,” Kiril retorted. His vermilion long hair fluttered while he stood up. He walked across the chamber to pick up his coat and headed toward the exit. “Are you going, now?” “I’ve got a test tomorrow.” York City in the m...
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Action Adventure / Loss Of Innocence Chapter Five.
This is another interesting story. Because this is chapter 5 of your book, you make me want to go back and read the last four chapters. I like the way you put in punctuations. The plots, they're quite nice and easy to understand. I also like the way you put the places and dates. But I think you should express the feeling of each characters more when they're talking to each other. You don't have to worry about your grammars too much because they can be correct later. anyway, everyone can be mi...
I love the beginning! I think your beginning is very interesting. It does caught me to read your story. It makes me want to know what will happen next. Your punctuations are quite well. But I think you skiped too many lines when you changed the scenes. Maybe because of the time line? Anyway, the characters themselves are very interesting and fascinating. But I got confusing a little on the form of writing. This is a first-person or the third person? Sometimes, you described Sedulus as the on...
Stage Play / The Iron Gate
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Into The Master's Lair
Your beginning really grabbed me in. It made me really wanted to know who the man was and what was he waiting for. But in the second paragraph, there were many confusions and many of the sentences that opposed each other. I got confused with the names and the characters themselves. I meant, how many characters were there at that scene? But later I found it's not boring anymore and the story got more enjoyable when Caspian appeared in the lair scene. Your third scene explained more about those...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Journeyman
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Conquered -- Chapter #1

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