It is quite a good start for this story. Reading regardless to any unintend mistakes, the story's setting is easy to be seen. But when I'm trying to read through it, it gets more confusing. The reveal of many characters are too perplexed. But the characters themselves are tidy. The overall of this Chapter #1 could attract reviewers with its interesting conflicts.

What an interesting story! I think you have a great idea of a man that spends most of his life time on a public transportation. You have made a very good point on the man that he has avoided and tries to escape from the people from above. The overall story is great. But I think you should pay more attention to when you should reveal the characters' names. Keep up with the good work!

I like the way you put it in to this. But I think the beginning is a bit too plain. But after that, everything is smooth-going. The way Alora and Skeath appeared in Sugo's sight is good enough. But I like the way Alora introduced both herself and Skeath. I think you can have two or more chapters sfter this piece because I think it's not end yet. But you've got good ending of this piece. I still curious about the magic. Can they really perform magic? Maybe you could put some interesting things...

I like your opening! I mean, it sounded very interesting for me. "You see, when a split second is stolen from time, it is not just stolen from time, it is stolen from everyone who exists in time." You know, I really like this sentence. I think the overall of the whole story is well thinking. I think I get most of the meaning you wanted to express. Some of your descriptions in the middle of chapter 1 still confused me but I thought I can pieced them together. But your story contained an intere...

It's a good poem. I think it is not a tough one to understand but I don't think so many people can get the feeling from the chances and hopes of yours. The first two sentences are good. But I think it is a bit strange when you restart the whole thing but to choose a new target. Anyway, I still like the whole stanza. Keep working!

Your beginning really grabbed me in. It made me really wanted to know who the man was and what was he waiting for. But in the second paragraph, there were many confusions and many of the sentences that opposed each other. I got confused with the names and the characters themselves. I meant, how many characters were there at that scene? But later I found it's not boring anymore and the story got more enjoyable when Caspian appeared in the lair scene. Your third scene explained more about those...

I love the beginning! I think your beginning is very interesting. It does caught me to read your story. It makes me want to know what will happen next. Your punctuations are quite well. But I think you skiped too many lines when you changed the scenes. Maybe because of the time line? Anyway, the characters themselves are very interesting and fascinating. But I got confusing a little on the form of writing. This is a first-person or the third person? Sometimes, you described Sedulus as the on...

This is another interesting story. Because this is chapter 5 of your book, you make me want to go back and read the last four chapters. I like the way you put in punctuations. The plots, they're quite nice and easy to understand. I also like the way you put the places and dates. But I think you should express the feeling of each characters more when they're talking to each other. You don't have to worry about your grammars too much because they can be correct later. anyway, everyone can be mi...