aha, a rewrite, I thought I'd read as many as I could. the development and refinement from writing all the others, which are progressively better than the last, with each one being brilliant show in your rewrite, the writing is just better, more natural. You're a great writer and I'm not sure how much better these are going to get! I'm giving you straight tens, and hope urbis invent elevens for next time! I've been told off not putting enough criticism in my reviews, but all I can find is the...

at first I thought this was a bit too simple and basic. but afterwhile it began to show a deeper, more powerful side- the power coming from the simplicity. the imagery that is conjured feels very real. I love 'shy, violent' and description of the girl. You get a real feel of sexuality in this. I honstly don't know how I could criticize this in any way, definitley not in any way that will improve this. nice work!

This took me a few visits to get through- one thing I would suggest from the outset is posting this in smaller sections, possibly one chapter at a time, so your writing doesn't seem so... intimidating. And what you have written is marvelous, it's intelligent and engaging. Of course I suspect it is down to Urbis that the format is a bit weird. If you post a paragraph at a time it usually helps... ''As with all stories there must be a beginning and an end….but….for what was an eternity the know...

I'm not totally sure I get what this is aiming to be. Personally I found it quite funny in places but largely confusing. I beleive you should work this material into a more accessible format- or as a collection of quotes.

''Six o’clock, an odd, yet even, hour.'' nice line This looked like a different format at first, but I think actually it is the way Urbis lays it out now. The humour seems more rapid... do I mean that? The humour is more... well, funny! Funnier, I should say. It's nice seeing the characters in a slightly different situation. Your writing is just getting better and better! Hows british tv working out for you?

Possibly I don't get this genre, and the language displayed is of good quality, you show a good knowledge of words and technique. But it makes little to no sense and is therefore not worth being published. There is no real artistic value, just a bizarre but well constructed, inventive sentence.

beautiful, well crafted poem and titles don't need to be relevant to the poem, call it what you like, call it what you think fits best.

well written, it describes london well, or at least gives an accurate description of london from a more personal real perspective, as opposed to the romanticised verse from most people. good job!

I don't really like war novels, but I am fascinated by Vietnam and I enjoy well written prose. Here you pull off both the latter- you create the amazing atmosphere of Vietnam (as I imagine it, I wasn't there) and you have a pacey, gripping style.