Everyone kept themselves to themselves [I think this is a typo? I think you meant "Everyone kept to themselves...." sun burnt lager louts leering over her [Nice wording here! Can totally picture this...] and bruises”. [Punctuation should go inside the quotation marks.] regularly sat out there and people watched, being on the fifth floor [people watched; being on the fifth floor...] Really nicely done. The end of the chapter definitely leaves the reader hanging and I want to know more about wh...

caught of guard (off guard) This is really well done! I like the way you have described her feelings about Joe leaving (i.e. the ring of dust left behind where his Wii used to be). You describe it in a way that is very relatable and I think all of us girls have been there at some point. The ending definitely makes me want to keep reading and find out why Danny is calling her...and what he's done that makes her want to dodge his calls. Some of the comma usage seems a bit off to me, but that's ...

finger nails (fingernails) red head (redhead) Converses (I think this should just be Converse) This is really well written. The opening (w/Audra drawing her classmate) creates a great visual for the reader. The dialogue is very real as well, especially between Audra and Zach. The reader gets a good sense of Audra's personality from this piece. The ending also does a great job in encouraging the reader to keep going and learn what happens to Audra next. I think the passage where Audra is answe...

I don't really understand the first two sentences of your query. I think the rest of the first paragraph is good, but I might try to focus this more on the protagonist and his / her journey rather than overall summary of the type of book you're writing. But is it enough to save the region? I would try to avoid ending this paragraph with a question. I’ve loved writing since I was a child. (I would take this out. While it shows your passion for writing, it makes your letter seem a little less '...

I like the story concept you've created here--girl learns the life-changing news that her father is a werewolf. I also like that your protagonist is a strong female character. This passage starts with a lot of "telling" and I think there are ways you can convey this scene and make it even more dramatic. Instead of starting with the character waking up and thinking about when her parents dropped the big news on her, what if you actually show us that? Maybe start with the scene where her parent...

were always going to "be" open to blackmail. (I think the word "be" is missing here.) A4 paper in front of him (I'm wondering if this level of detail is necessary here. Not sure if the reader will know what size A4 paper is and be able to visualize this.) I like the part about him watching the window washers and envying their freedom--it does a good job of allowing the reader to feel what he feels. Really nice job on this, Lillie! This piece continues to come along nicely and I think your wri...

First, congratulations on writing five novels--that is no small feat! This first chapter is very well done. You have a great YA voice and you give the reader a good picture of who Angenii is in this first chapter. I love the part about her mom stocking her closet full of princess attire and her choosing to go to school in her ketchup-stained shirt. That tells us a lot about who she is as a person. The dialogue and conflict between Angenii and her mom over the senior picture is realistic and f...

This is very well written. I enjoyed reading your perspective on this topic that the general public doesn't hear too much about in the mainstream media. You do a great job of citing sources to back up your point. I don't see any grammatical mistakes or other errors, other than the title of this book: The Three Trillion Dollar War. I believe it should be italicized if you are using AP Style. Thanks for sharing this interesting information!

mould (mold) todays developed world (today's) you're bored,the world is at our fingertips. (you're bored; the world is...) state run wellbeing centres state-run This is a nice op-ed piece. You express your opinion well. There were a few minor grammatical errors that can be easily fixed. I actually like the last sentence--it's a nice play on words.

be wakening up in the morning? hoping you would not make in the morning? In societies eyes, In society's eyes, I like the way this opens--it definitely draws the reader in and makes them feel sorry for the protagonist. "He killed his self-right in front of me …" I feel like this should be elaborated on--maybe in a flashback scene a bit later. I feel like much of the beginning is "telling," which is fine since is okay if you want it to be a diary entry. It effectively shows this girl's thought...