Jarl's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 04
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 04
I’m a 33-year-old freelancer living in London with my partner and my three-year-old son.
I’m currently working on a collection of short fiction that, although consists of primarily horror/fantasy stories, has a cross genre appeal.
Items
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
The carriage was a rotten tooth in a gum of rotten teeth, the interior space a trite grubby cream wash, plastic panels flattened and fixed with charmless rivets, rusting in their slots. The ‘No Smoking’ sign, the penalty notice, the route map and advertisements were all peeling, all faded, all decaying. The flat, listless windows revealed only the dull repartitions of the outside world, reflecting the yellowed interior lighting back upon itself. Neville made his way through row after row of t...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Man-Tiger Lorraine was staring at him with eyes that seemed to bulge from her sockets. There was a false enthusiasm stretched across her face that spat of personal desperation. “Neville?” It took him all of three seconds to realise she’d addressed him. All he could see were the lines of her face, sparrow claws at the corners of her eyes and dry wiry creases stabbing across her brow. The lines all lead him to her pupils – black dots of infinite anxiety - and they had momentarily hypnotised him...
Version 2
1 Review
1 Comment
Gary, relegated to a pull down seat, squirmed uncomfortably. The girls sat either side of Levi at the back. In the weight of his leather jacket he seemed to melt into the darkened cab. If he was squashed between the two he didn't let on. The girls quizzed him constantly, ignoring Gary totally. He looked at them, fawning at either side of Levi, and felt contempt. They were so obvious, excessively flattering. Levi looked every bit the star lounging there, adorned on either side by the beautiful...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Love Me Tender Where was she? Gary sighed to himself, tapping his foot impatiently, and with a nervous repetition, on the pale white of the paving stones. Idly he observed the enormous queue. The snake of people, wavering in a drunkard’s effort of a line, stretched out from the cinema's double doors and threatened to twist around the corner and out of Leicester Square altogether. Although part of the mêlée himself Gary failed to understand the attraction. This was not his film of choice or lo...
Version 1
6 Reviews
7 Comments
3 Frank was on his knees, hands crushed into the charcoal coated soil, his head bowed lowly, eyes bolted shut. Naked and sweating from the ordeal of rebirth he remained prostrate, satisfied to simply recuperate solemnly. The environment, insisting that his orbs inspect, did nothing to hasten his recovery. Indeed, his remaining faculties gave him no peace, stimulated by the nature of this new world. The very taste and smell of it assailed him, defiling his lungs, prickling his skin and blister...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
As a beginning this is good. Obviously I know nothing about this saint poopsmith but you give the reader something immediate about his appearance and follow it up in style with some telling commentary on his character. His dialogue verse is my favourite in the entire piece. It says so much, so clearly and gives you something to sink your teeth into. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah, I liked this. It takes a simple line and explores a number of ideas and feelings. The use of, ‘Is it me?’ works really well as the tool to move the concepts along. Where the poem didn’t work for me was when you move away from this structure. Having said that though I’m not sure how you could convey the last question whilst working within the pre-set structure. Just a note: ‘And then a silance….’ Should be ‘And then a silence….’ Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
There is some nice sentiment used in this piece that does not cross over into indulgent sentiment. I think this is often a difficult thing to pull off, as it requires a precise balance. The overall tone of the poem worked for me and is well maintained throughout. I particularly enjoyed some of the more organic train of thought sections. You could perhaps take a look at the structure of the poem. At times I found that at certain points the choice of breaking impacted the sense of direction you...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People












