JayJay's profile

JayJay avatar
AGE: 23
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 25

Hey all. The names Jay. Im 19. Currently studying screenwriting down Southampton. Ive had the last three weeks off of work, had alot of time to be me again and I found my creative valve, finally! Havent ever had feedback on my work, so looking forward to all reviews, especially the harsh critics. I work best with blunt criticism.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Screenplay / The Miscarriage
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
INT - KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON (MARY WEST, a tired looking short brunette, 28 year old mum of three, is washing the dishes. She notices the cut on her arm, and drifts away into thought for a few moments. Keys are heard in the front door and a violent bang is heard as its swung open.) ROB: Oi! Where you fuckin’ hiding? (ROB MILLS 25 year old, with the hostile nature of a 14 year old, storms through the cluttered home and opens the door to the kitchen) MARY: (to herself) Here we go… (MARY puts ...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Dragon Clouds
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
From our cornflower fields burning as fire with the sun, and the green of the trees, so at ease. The winds above us soar through my hair and yours, and the leaves dance so gently in the breeze. We could lay for years counting aeroplanes and birds, whilst we search for the dragons in the clouds. The beauty in your tears as you pour out your heart, screams your life out so loud, out so proud. But why do my eyes not believe you when you say that your love for our world has returned. Makes me que...
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Limericks / Attraction
Version 1
19 Reviews   0 Comments
Giving back what you gave to me In this dusty morning grace. The lies you told All, centrefold. They bleach your dirty face. With lips so pink, and body so trim, And eyes, as if they're burnt. My fight today, Slowly washes away. Won't lovers ever learn?
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Curtains
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Was your will for life just not brave enough? Or was your need to end, too great? Or was it just the hurt, And the empty line, That was written across your fate? Curtains for your small-lived life Curtains to the crime Curtains on the dawn you dove Curtains amidst your death and mine.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
With lowered head, and heart in shred, With sight and mind, so cold. With seldom dressed, and breath suppressed, With words of hers, so old. With knuckles torn, and woman scorned, With money beneath the deck. With naked toes, and red-stained clothes, With fingernails in his neck.
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
I like this. Its an interesting concept. Im intriuged on how this progresses, and how the logic of the character creates him some drama. Good stuff. I particularly enjoyed where it said: "I’m a racist, but I’m not prejudiced. I’ll fuck with you no matter what race you are." Makes you think. Unique perspective. Again, good stuff you've got here.
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I thought this was really good. I ejoyed the part with the woman, who was about to get raped. Added a great angle and a nice dimension to the screenplay. Interesting layer to include and rounded off the scene, along with the characters. This was a great read. Keep it up.
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I like the back and forth between whom the person with the sinister intentions is. I like the twist that you brought in, was unexpected and fresh. It was almost as if the person he was screaming for Mike to get rid of, may have been the one he now needed the most to help him. Very nice. It does hold my attention; I don’t think that there was a single moment in there that I skimmed over. Each sentence was engaging. As for the characters, there was highs and lows in regards to engagement. Yes, ...
Limericks / Social Contract #1
I generally wouldnt have liked this, topic being to serious and political for me, but found this strangely appealing.
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