Well, it made me smile - though I 'did' try to read the damn thing to the tune of 'The Owl and the Pussycat' (which, for the record, doesn't quite work, it just gives you brain strain! :o) ) I am with you on the 'if you ask me to review your work then accept my review' train of thought. I have got a plethora of requests recently and at least 75% of them have been of the variety that necessitated a critical (if not negative) review rather than a glowing, praise filled one. Nice venting and nic...

"I am mostly interested in how well the story pulls the reader in and at what points the reader is thrown out of the story. I want to know which parts work as well as which don’t." That was in your reviewer notes so I am going to try to stick to that for the most part; grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc (all things technical) can be discounted as you didn't ask for it. Only if it is REALLY jarring will I even mention it. First things first - I think that by missing the first chapter to this ...

OK, technical critique first: Read this piece aloud, slowly, and have a red pen ready. Everytime that you think that something doesn't sound right when spoken you have found something that doesn't sound right when read, either. Examples are taken from the first paragraph- "The sun is midway through the sky on Saturday afternoon and Dante, Lewis, Vince and I had gathered for our customary basketball game." Pick a tense - I think that 'the sun WAS m,idway' sounds better and probably what you in...

I think that you did a really good job, considering the constraints of a flash fiction's word count, in getting acorss enough of the character's personalities to make us (or at least me) care about them. A King who puts responisiblity before family. A Queen how is a mother first and foremost. A Prince who is being shaped to follow in his father's footsteps but who is still, at heart, a normal child. ... and then you killed the 'nicest' two. And I cared. that is a good thing :o)

I don't know what the tune is that these lyrics go with but I know that there is a tune. I was 'nearly' humming it as I read the words so it has to exist :o) I can't make up my mind if it is about being in love or losing love. Most of it points to being in love - I especially love this part: "Even in the noonday You make dinner by candelight " as it is a such a cool image to have someone make you a candlit dinner when no candles are needed! However the repetition of 'wiating' for Adrian could...

Started of a little stilted but, about half-way through, you really hit your stride. "For the young ones know, What we have forgot: That trees are for climbing, and forts are for making, and dolls are for dressing, and days are for shaping." Those sections really stood out for me and reinforced the title of the poem as something meaningful. From that I could see how a child's innocent look at life is 'better' than the adult's view of making money and doing better than the neighbour ;o) Really...

Well as you didn't leave explicit notes for reviewing this I will just go with my gut feeling. I liked this. I don't know exactly why as it has things that I normally dislike - especially if over-done - like the swearing. Swearing, for me, is something that works better when it is little and unexpected rather than every other word. That said you somehow got it to work as I believed it was the character speaking. Personally I would still tone it down a bit but that is just me :o) I did like th...

First of all, the good stuff: I REALLY like the concept of this, the fact that the hero seems like he is going to be a bit of a jerk, and some of the way that you write his character. He is already seeming as abrasive and (almost) deserving of whatever happens to him. I like heroes like that (rather than the regulr shiny/happy heroes). I also like where you are going with emotions being seen as colours rather than felt. The glow that he had when he tried to laugh was great as was the deep blu...

I think that I definintely missed out by not reading the first chapter of this as I felt like I was thrown in ant the VERY deep end in a lot of the overall plot of this World. That said - and from what I read here - you seem to have an intriguing story in mind. "The main focus on this entry is to see how it looks overall and how you as the readers see it in terms of story rather then editing issues" Well, that is what you asked for so I am going to ignore the purely technical issues that you ...

I have to be honest here and state, for the record, that I have nevere reviewed this sort of letter. All I can do, therefore, is tell you what worked for me, personally, and not what I think an agent/publisher would make of it (being neither myself!). Do you need to state the number of words in the query letter or would it be on the sample/synopsis that you send with it? When you say who it is aimed at you are doing one of two things - One: letting the agent know that you have researched this...