Jeff0307's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Bradenton, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 22
LOC: Bradenton, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 22
I have been writing poetry for myself since I was a teenager.
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Poetry is one of my favorite forms of self expression, but I consider it more of a hobby than anything else.
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Writing helps me think about how I really feel and also helps me to meditate on what I find to be influential.
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I love any criticism that aids in my becoming a better writer, which is my goal here.
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
It crawls and bleeds. It burns and seethes. This pain that builds still won’t fill this gaping hole, this twisting nether. So tether on these wings of leather ‘cuz feathers are far too frail The telling’s in the swelling. This feeling's revealing my thoughts. Gray fish One wish Shooting star I’ll keep hope in mind until one day I find a way to stay, and somehow nullify moving forward toward- the end... These thoughts... they tend to mend the bends that send me dreaming. These dreams are gleam...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
it crawls and bleeds, it burns and seethes this pain that builds still won’t fill this gaping hole, this twisting nether. so tether on these wings of leather, ‘cuz feathers are far too frail the telling’s in the swelling. this feeling’s reeling the catch. gray fish one wish shooting star bright blue green, I’ll keep you in mind until one day I find, A way to stay, and somehow nullify moving forward- toward, the end it tends to mend the bends that send them screaming. this dreaming is seeming...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Imperfection under a maple-sweet sky of perfection Sugar-lust hands reject wisdom and deny discretion Abhorring hidden knowledge never taught in college While forbidden sins are soaked in by men & women. The blind lead the blind on a road paved in destruction Nation takes arms against Nation, content in condemnation Brother rises against brother and daughter against mother Each seeking their own selfish means of power and pleasure
Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you're scared and unprepared- Of what life wants to bring you. Please know there's someone that relates It's just I'm trapped outside these gates These walls which you've constructed- They leave me no other choice. Keep marching on and do be strong It's not so hard to wait so long Know that when we're there I will tear- All those fears away. But until that time, my dear old friend You'll have to wait behind closed g...
Version 2
11 Reviews
13 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you're scared and unprepared- Of what life wants to bring you. Just know there's someone that relates It's just I'm trapped outside these gates These walls which you constructed- They leave me no other choice. Keep marching on and do be strong It's not so hard to wait so long Just know that when we're there I will tear- All those fears away. But until that time, my dear old friend You'll have to wait behind closed g...
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Reviews
I liked it. It was like turning on a blender of emotions. Strangely enough I can relate to alot of what you are expressing. The only part I didn't like was the first line, but then again I don't really have a great idea to change it, maybe lust instead of lick? By lick are implying taste or something more sensual?
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Ok so, I'm not ashamed to admit I had to look up 50% of the words you used in this one. Having done this, I began to wonder if there was any point to using the words you did in such a small amount of space. My conclusion: "No." I kind of felt like you wrote this poem with, "how many comepletely obscure words can I fit into less than a 100 word 'poem?'" in mind.
I definitely enjoyed reading your story. I do have a few suggestions, though. Perhaps developing the sadness or sense of loss from having lost an entire home planet could have been expressed with greater impact. I didn't really feel the sense of devastation in your story. I also wish that you would have developed the overall appearance of the characters as well as this newly demolished planet Nio. I wanted to feel more familiar and intimate with the characters and story in this way. You defin...
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