Jessy's profile

Jessy avatar
AGE: 28
LOC: Mechanicsburg, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 10

Im just interested in reading some good poetry and seeing how mine is recieved. Ill update later no doubt.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / My Prescience
Version 1
15 Reviews   17 Comments
Standing in the shadow of Death, My heart races, I feel a shortness of breath. My head bowed and my fists clenched tightly. I feel fear, knowing judgement will not come lightly. Ruby red eyes fix on my cold blue stare, Measure me up, lay my soul bare. A chilling voice, a chuckle of thunder, He knows my defenses and tears them asunder. I feel the despair lying locked in a frozen tear, As He says, "Be still child, your time is here." Paralysis breaks, I strike at him and shriek NEVER!! Death sw...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Searches End
Version 1
21 Reviews   30 Comments
It's the strangeness of life, How it's filled with pain, Filled with strife. It's the sharpness of contrast, In what makes one person happy, Makes another cry miserably. Where in this does fall responsibility? On birthrights circumstances, Or belonging with choices, And the attitude with which one dances. Where is happiness to be discovered? Some poor swear on wealth, Thinking that in this does peace reside. Some rich would forsake all, If that happiness would provide. More search endless pla...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
22 Reviews   31 Comments
I once had a vision of beauty, Powerful truth in my sight. Long forgotten hopes kindled, Breathless at Earths rising might. I was freed of preconceptions, My assumptions torn asunder. Incomparable tranquility, Knowing nothing but wonder. I beheld the birth of a world, Passion roaring with tidal crashes, Here empathy abounds, Life's fires not yet turned to ashes. I saw a river in the dawn, Alight with the sky's fire. A deep seeded peace, A maker with hopeful desire. I dreamt of our world in un...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
17 Reviews   19 Comments
The Finished Piece Somewhere in mind a thought. It lurks in shadow, wandering. Never predictible, ever changing. Plagueing levels of conciousness, Avoiding being caught. Imagination stalks to bring to light. This elusive prey knows all. Slips the traps, eludes the snares. In the corner of the eye, Just never in sight. Writer blocked wants to pen. Frustrated this idea cannot pin. Closes eyes, to emotion goes. Invisible tie, quarry unaware, Followed to its den. Holds to tie, peers intently. St...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
I like this idea! I think that it gives an interesting image to the reader and tells a good tale. However, I think that things need to be at least clarified. It looks as though she spent the night underwater but still was saved. Try to make sure the reader knows that she is just dreaming about "floating on the bottom of the floor" This line too you could perhaps revise. You just dont float on a floor. Also make sure that you spell breath with out the 'e'. Breathe is the act of breathing...Bre...
Poetry / Nice Guy +
Hey,I really liked this. Fantastic read and you are definately understood. I dont think you should change anything about it.
Poetry / Mind, No Mind
Very interesting. This could be interpreted in a few different ways. I'm pretty sure that is what is intended. If so you succeeded admirably. I really liked the lines "I see his eyes, wwithin them a blade." very nice. I actually liked that it ended without a rhyme. It honed the point that you were trying to make. Really made it stand out. I think that you could change the first stanza a little or add another stanza specifically about hating or loving, killing or dying, thus subtracting from t...
I think that this poem is neat...a good description of wandering thought in a place of hopelessness. I will get right to your main question and say that I really don't see where dying comes in at all in the poem. It seems kind of arbitrary after the mental journey the reader was taken through without even a mention of death and suddenly...bam! there it is. If you are going to mention it( and I can see how you would want to, how it might relate) I think that you should connect it somehow. Eith...
Dont trash it...I like the idea. You may want to take the rebels line out and just take our modern society into the future as you have begun to. Technology taking over...sort of matrix-like. I think that something really neat could come out of this.
Favorites

Jessy has no favorites yet.

People