Clear message and concise. Too bad you didnt put this into a better poetic form. Id, like to see what you would come up with if you fleshed it out.

Ok...I like the idea, however it seems to me that the poetic form is not there. Is this meant to be poetic? I just wasnt sure. I think that you could make it a lot more powerful in some sort of lyrical form. Good idea!

I like the imagery you have here. Very nice. I think that you could make it more powerful by taking a lot of the "in-between words out" Ex..."I see the rain falling on a desert rose" could be "I see rain falling on a desert rose". There are quite a few lines in that vein that I feel could be made more powerful by changing in this manner. Also, in the third line, first stanza, I think you mean shut...If you did mean shun then the context with out is not correct. Good job!

I like this...The structure is facinating. I really wish that you would stay true with it the whole way through and make each line shorter than the last. Suggestion first stanza..."not read, spoken". I also suggest, in line with this that you trim the third stanza to seven lines. I think this would make a very good poem into an excellent one. I like the idea here that a masterpiece of writing is comparable to one of music.

I really liked this one. It made you really think about what was being said, and written well enough that though the general meaning could be questioned, the specific lines all conformed to one thought and left the reader sure of that thought. Very nice imagery.

Dont trash it...I like the idea. You may want to take the rebels line out and just take our modern society into the future as you have begun to. Technology taking over...sort of matrix-like. I think that something really neat could come out of this.

I think that this poem is neat...a good description of wandering thought in a place of hopelessness. I will get right to your main question and say that I really don't see where dying comes in at all in the poem. It seems kind of arbitrary after the mental journey the reader was taken through without even a mention of death and suddenly...bam! there it is. If you are going to mention it( and I can see how you would want to, how it might relate) I think that you should connect it somehow. Eith...

Very interesting. This could be interpreted in a few different ways. I'm pretty sure that is what is intended. If so you succeeded admirably. I really liked the lines "I see his eyes, wwithin them a blade." very nice. I actually liked that it ended without a rhyme. It honed the point that you were trying to make. Really made it stand out. I think that you could change the first stanza a little or add another stanza specifically about hating or loving, killing or dying, thus subtracting from t...

Hey,I really liked this. Fantastic read and you are definately understood. I dont think you should change anything about it.

I like this idea! I think that it gives an interesting image to the reader and tells a good tale. However, I think that things need to be at least clarified. It looks as though she spent the night underwater but still was saved. Try to make sure the reader knows that she is just dreaming about "floating on the bottom of the floor" This line too you could perhaps revise. You just dont float on a floor. Also make sure that you spell breath with out the 'e'. Breathe is the act of breathing...Bre...