JillianChan's profile

JillianChan avatar
AGE: 21
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 08

I am an aspiring author and a college student, meaning that I don’t have alot of money or time to write.  What I do write is what I enjoy and would hope you will enjoy also.

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Items
Poetry / Closed
Version 2
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Like a fragile Oyster, the Black Velvet Box opens in The Girl's hands, the tables clinking and the plates scratching around them. Shards fall from The Girl's eyes as her gaze wafts up, catching the hollow stare of The Bear in their gossamer nets. In the air-conditioned nightmare of a funeral home, The Woman's hair is tied back in a tight bun, covered in netting. She wears her pine overcoat well. Too red lipstick on her lips, too red rouge on her cheeks, give her a street corner look. The Woma...
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Poetry / Untitled
Version 1
9 Reviews   2 Comments
Like a fragile Oyster, the Black Velvet Box opens in The Girl's hands, the tables clinking and the plates scratching around them. Shards fall from The Girl's eyes as her gaze wafts up, catching the hollow stare of The Bear in their gossamer nets. In the air-conditioned nightmare of a funeral home, The Woman's hair is tied back in a tight bun, covered in netting. She wears her pine overcoat well. Too red lipstick on her lips, too red rouge on her cheeks, give her a street corner look. The Woma...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Short Story / Ashay-Chapter One
Version 4
5 Reviews   1 Comment
The flame of a matchstick revealed a pair of eyes in an eerie reflection. It flickered and a face appeared before the light suddenly vanished. Another scratch and a new glow returned, flowing over and illuminated the wide and lifeless eyes of a woman lying on the sandy floor. Suddenly light flooded the beachouse and a man could be seen, his tall frame crouched low beside the body. He reached up and brushed his hands shakily through his spiked black hair before standing to his feet. He reached...
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Short Story / Ashay-Chapter One
Version 3
1 Review   0 Comments
The flame of a matchstick revealed a pair of eyes in an eerie reflection. It flickered and a face could be seen before the light suddenly vanished. Another strike of a match returned new glow that fell on a woman, her eyes wide and lifeless. Suddenly light flooded the room and a man could be seen, crouched low beside the body. The man reached up and brushed his hands through his spiked black hair before Standing up shakily. He reached into the pocket of loose fitting jeans and pulled his cell...
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Poetry / The Cookie
Version 1
3 Reviews   6 Comments
The Cookie The cookie looked like a peanut butter cup but I bit into it and it didn’t taste like one. There I was with peanut butter on my mind and there were no damn peanuts in the cookie, lots of toffee though, which is all right. I’m trying to find a deeper meaning but I think I should find something else to ponder; a flat toffee cookie doesn’t have any depth to it, real or imagined. I guess some people are like that too, but you don’t have to bite into them to find that out. They take bit...
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Reviews
grammar check is an absolute must. There are so many errors that it is very hard to read. when someone speaks you start a new paragraph, this is just for easier reading but may be a rule as well. The syntax,the way the words are positioned, is a little awkward to read, for example: "I refused to tell him for I was 16 at the time and didn’t want him to know that yet." could be changed to: "I didn't want him to know that I was sixteen, not yet." Shorter, more concise and to the point. This has ...
Poetry / Havisham Brunch
This is not poetry. This is prose chopped up to be poetry. Its really good prose!!!!DONT CHOP IT UP!!!!
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Underland: The Dark Reign
Some explanation before you go scifi on me would have been appreciated....a prologue explaining in general terms how the world works would have been helpful. Don't you think 2 tons is excessive? I mean for all my knowledge you would be dead if two tons fell on you and it wouldn't matter if you could get it off or not! This reads like a really bad Japanese film translated badly into English...and if it were not so sad it would be hilarious! What the hell are sticks of flight? You have to descr...
Flash Fiction / Paradise Lost
Removed
Poetry / Souless
Locked