Jimmel104's profile

Jimmel104 avatar
AGE: 68
LOC: Flower Mound, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06

Funny how you can have plans and then in a matter of moments, not even minutes, they are gone. Thoughts vaporized, ideas dashed. No, not funny;life. Life happens. We are only in control as life allows us to be. And we are only here for a moment.
And in the end, that is enough. For this is why we have memories.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / Watching
Version 1
6 Reviews   4 Comments
watching in my mind as you open sleepy eyes a little yawn and blinking at the light a stretch to start your day rolling to your side and legs slip off the bed to set yourself aright remove the stiffness of the night Wishing I was there to hug you one more time knowing that I can't and may never have that time pj's on the floor stepping in to get your shower I see the beauty of your legs the promise of your flower arms above your head and water flowing down touching parts of you where I would ...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / CLOTH
Version 1
7 Reviews   6 Comments
what isn't said screams volumes wretching pain from blackness dealing death to lights hope no thing has meaning; understanding impossible grinding etching a crimson line around a twice beat heart knife stretching where words did not feelings bared, heart cold not even wool can warm
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Rain Dance
Version 2
7 Reviews   7 Comments
  After the autumn rain sitting alone on the deck Chickadees fussing in the willow tree. Blue jays, their raspy calls while chasing squirrels from the feeders. Hummingbird skittering back and forth trying to decide which late blossom to skewer. Red headed woodpecker dangling from the wire mesh holding suet; prying loose a seed from peanut butter. Sun still hot over the trees, sweat sparkles on my forehead. Sweet thoughts of you dance with the birds in the treetops.  
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Rain Dance
Version 1
1 Review   2 Comments
  After the autumn rain sitting alone on the deck Chickadees fussing in the willow tree. Blue jays and their raspy calls chasing squirrels from the feeders. Hummingbird skittering back and forth trying to decide which late blossom to skewer. Red headed woodpecker dangling from the wire mesh holding suet; prying loose a seed from the peanut butter. Sun still hot over the trees and sweat sparkles on my forehead. Sweet thoughts of you dance with the birds in the treetops.  
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Halo
Version 1
6 Reviews   0 Comments
Halo’s of gossamer colors wrapped themselves around my moon belying the faint darkness creeping skyward from the horizon. I float restlessly on the gentle waves with a heart full of love waiting patiently for the fullness of her beauty to be revealed. The creeping darkness swells quietly, stealthily, with evil intent Climbing higher in the sky on the distant horizon. How beautiful are the colors that stir my heart with the passion of years of lost love creating a yearning that i...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Poetry / I Am My Own
Nice continuity. It has a beginning, middle and end. It is easy for the reader to follow. Couple of thought to tighten it up a bit. L1 - eliminate "ever" L6 - You started the "I am" lead off, keep it up -I am 220...... L10-12 These are fine as you shifted from "I" to "My" L13 - Lose the comma L15 - what about an "!" to add force to this statement as you build to a close. And maybe change your structure just a bit for the close Example: A singular brick Leaving a stain on the surface of a worl...
Poetry / In Lieu of Love
I apologize but aside from some interesting word choices "salty cerebellum", "black madness demise", "hammock eternity" I simply do not follow this piece at all. While I don't expect poetry to always develop in a logical or precise manner I do look for a theme, message or coherent presentation. Perhaps through my own ignorance I just don't find any of that here. it did make me sad, but I am afraid not for the reasons you intended. Perhaps you could make this less obtuse and tie the elements t...
Poetry / discard discord
Multiple threads of thought running through this. Not sure they all work well together. L1-4 , the odd use of "darkness" (how does something perch under) and "once" whose meaning fits, but not with the pronoun "you". It makes the stanza a bit awkward. L5-10, Work well together however the shift to things more technical in nature is a bit incongruous to your start. From 11 - the end you work in the natural which again seems a bit incongruous to the rest of the work. Summary: While each element...
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Poetry / Deathbed
I am not at all sure how you have managed to pull this off. My initial impression from the title and first 7 lines was "what in the world is this about". Somehow within the distance of the next 8 lines I was feeling those frickin clowns sucking the life out of me right along side you. Clowns became grotesque gargoyles and I saw the death hand as it arrived. Next to last line is a bit weak positioned as it is before your final line. Don't know if you meant this to be a Lilliputian take off, bu...