I don't necessarily agree, especially with "n." I think, if this is true to you, declaring the quote affirmatively would help. Instead of "..." You should use "is" It may help the reader sympathize with your position, thought, or opinion. What if this is the most horrid n crushing phrases? I could see how "what if" could be damaging.

Enjoyed, although it seems to have been established in some way before. I actually think the caps work in this...

What struck me first was your title. I would suggest chopping it down some. Maybe something like "Encumbered by ruins." I think this would help pull a reader further into your piece by creating a question, rather than giving an answer. Sparking curiosity can do a lot. I believe tightening the actual content of the piece would help as well. One easy way you can start to sharpen it up would be to break it into consistent stanzas instead of aimless lines. Possibly consider something like this:(I...

First off, the whole dream idea can open a huge range of possibilities for this piece, more so than you used as your ammunition in this. You could dive into any of many things with the use of dreams. Consider expanding your original idea to offer the reader more material to feed off of. I thought your first stanza started off fairly strong, a form and rhythm were established...Then you break from it through the rest of the piece, which was distracting. I feel as though punctuation would aid t...

I tried pretty intently to put this together, but this format just isn't working. It was very distracting to me as the reader. I don't know if its just my computer, but I can also see HTML code running in plain sight, which also doesn't help me focus in on your piece or its message. I think an alternate delivery would do leaps and bounds for this piece, as well as for the reviews you will receive on it. I would like to have a chance to give this a second look, with a more cohesive format.

I like the whole ten-legged mutant spider analogy for the holding of hands, which i took to symbolize some miserable relationship. I'd suggest working with your format, some of the stray lines were distracting, particularity the second to last line. I'm not exactly sure what it is saying/referring to? I think it has something to do with "its" reading as "it is"? I thought the last line was a great way to end this. I think it could stand alone, without having the precursory one liner.

This has got a liberating feel to it. I commend the realization that exists in the last four lines of this. Everyone remembers high school, this poem is a brand name of it. This moves along fairly well, but inconsistencies exist in your rhyme scheme. It seems as if you fade in and out of it. Consistency can sharpen a piece by leaps and bounds. Although the subject matter is cliche, you've got to start writing about something to write about something else. Keep it up.

Pretty morose. I would suggest dropping a large amount of the "I's" you use throughout this piece. (Anything so egocentric will lose control). Consider revising your 5th line to read something like, "Everyone is living a lie." but be careful of using such broad and generalizing statements, they hinder the integrity of a piece. I'd suggest using a synonym of pain once, if not both times it appears in this piece, it feels as though "pain" becomes exhausted.

I believe you have posted in the correct category. This was riddled with imagery, which made for a delightful read. Very descriptive, great images were conveyed. With all the description used in this piece, i would consider breaking it into shorter lines, and maybe even two stanzas- splitting it at the 5th line where the piece makes its turn. In lines 5 and 6 you use the word crackling twice, consider mixing it up by using an synonym of crackling the second time around. I think you could drop...