John_Binder's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Fort Stewart, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 13
LOC: Fort Stewart, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 13
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Items
Version 3
15 Reviews
6 Comments
As I sit in my office chair the room begins to feel warm. The soft light that was cast by the candles on my desk fades. The shadows from the pictures on the wall cast long reaching for me. I begin to feel unsettled. Restless. Stirring slightly I feel an unnatural weight. I try to stand but find I am unable. Not as though I am bound but as though I am no longer able to lift myself. It feels as though my mass was suddenly tripled. I try again. Still I am unable. I feel myself sinking deeper int...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
As I sit in my office chair the room begins to feel warm. The soft light that was cast by the candles on my desk fades. The shadows from the pictures on the wall cast long reaching for me. I begin to feel unsettled. Restless. Stirring slightly I feel an unnatural weight. I try to stand but find I am unable. Not as though I am bound but as though I am no longer able to lift myself. It feels as though my mass was suddenly tripled. I try again. Still I am unable. I feel myself sinking deeper int...
Version 2
3 Reviews
0 Comments
You hide behind your beauty using it as veil to hide the void beneath. Behind your beautiful green eyes lurks the devil. You tempt me your smile, it conveys an innocence unknown to you. You move among us mortals giving us hope hope of something beautiful in this world built on apathy. A hope of real emotion, the kind of deep emotion I have for you. A longing that is tearing me apart. Your soft touch has shredded me, your eyes have burnt me. Your forked tongue has shown through your parted lip...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
The locket hangs heavy around Rebecca’s neck. Its antiquity out of place with her scant attire. She twirls it in her hand. Inspecting the monogram on the back. Her mother’s initials worn and barely visible on its lackluster white gold. She wears it as a reminder of a better time. A time when her mother was still alive, and her father wasn’t an abusive alcoholic. The night’s cold is biting. She wonders if she would really lose business if she wore more clothes. John’s would have to understand...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Driving slowly Day is hot Sweat dripping eyes scanning Sky turns black sun is gone Nose twinges Smell of sulfur Door open on the ground Running hard breathing harder Bodies there blood soaked seats vacant Tears well up no help here Turn around slow hope no one sees A beautiful flower standing alone looking back at me
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Reviews
Critiques first. If you want to cut some out of this story. I recommend you start with cutting out the tautological phrases. You have a lot of them. Makes the story seem verbose. Next try to stay away from cliched metaphors. Smooth as silk. It is obvious you are a competent writer. You can do without the cliches. The dialogue is fantastic. Truly believable. The flashback wasn't terrible. A little backstory was nice there. Maybe you could cut it back to a paragraph or two though. I think if yo...
Not bad. Simple. I think at times simplicity can be appreciated. Even needed. I think that with an idea as complex as this one, perhaps a little more complexity is needed. A little more opaque. THe idea of flying after death is a little to cliche for me. The idea of flying off into an endless night is too cliche for a poem. Overall a worthy read though. The delivery was masterful. I just think you could hammer out the package and have a better effect. Good luck.
Not bad. It could use a rework. The prose was off putting. It could use a little more eloquence. If you restructured and re worded a little I think you would notice a HUGE difference. Good luck.
Not bad. I am not sure what you meant by dead less eyes. Did you mean life less? The flow was a little off putting. It seemed as though you were trying to lead the reader from one line to the next, but often there was no connection from line to line. Not bad though. The imagery was nice.
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