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AGE: 24
LOC: Fort Stewart, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 29

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Reviewer Stats
Items
Horror / He Is Here Again
Version 3
15 Reviews   6 Comments
As I sit in my office chair the room begins to feel warm. The soft light that was cast by the candles on my desk fades. The shadows from the pictures on the wall cast long reaching for me. I begin to feel unsettled. Restless. Stirring slightly I feel an unnatural weight. I try to stand but find I am unable. Not as though I am bound but as though I am no longer able to lift myself. It feels as though my mass was suddenly tripled. I try again. Still I am unable. I feel myself sinking deeper int...
Ratings & Rankings
Horror / He Is Here Again
Version 2
0 Reviews   0 Comments
As I sit in my office chair the room begins to feel warm. The soft light that was cast by the candles on my desk fades. The shadows from the pictures on the wall cast long reaching for me. I begin to feel unsettled. Restless. Stirring slightly I feel an unnatural weight. I try to stand but find I am unable. Not as though I am bound but as though I am no longer able to lift myself. It feels as though my mass was suddenly tripled. I try again. Still I am unable. I feel myself sinking deeper int...
Ratings & Rankings
Romance / Love Letter
Version 2
3 Reviews   0 Comments
You hide behind your beauty using it as veil to hide the void beneath. Behind your beautiful green eyes lurks the devil. You tempt me your smile, it conveys an innocence unknown to you. You move among us mortals giving us hope hope of something beautiful in this world built on apathy. A hope of real emotion, the kind of deep emotion I have for you. A longing that is tearing me apart. Your soft touch has shredded me, your eyes have burnt me. Your forked tongue has shown through your parted lip...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews   1 Comment
The locket hangs heavy around Rebecca’s neck. Its antiquity out of place with her scant attire. She twirls it in her hand. Inspecting the monogram on the back. Her mother’s initials worn and barely visible on its lackluster white gold. She wears it as a reminder of a better time. A time when her mother was still alive, and her father wasn’t an abusive alcoholic. The night’s cold is biting. She wonders if she would really lose business if she wore more clothes. John’s would have to understand...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Driving slowly Day is hot Sweat dripping eyes scanning Sky turns black sun is gone Nose twinges Smell of sulfur Door open on the ground Running hard breathing harder Bodies there blood soaked seats vacant Tears well up no help here Turn around slow hope no one sees A beautiful flower standing alone looking back at me
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / Closing Time
o You need to do some tense checks. You are jumping mid sentence. o Maybe I missed some ode to the song throughout the passage but if not COME ON!! Your writing is strong enough without plagiarism. o Not bad all in all. Good luck
Poetry / Safe and Sound
Very good. Very moving. Work on the staccato. Make it flow a little easier. It's intent either more masked or more blatant. It seems as though you tried to put a veil on something and failed. Good luck.
Flash Fiction / The B Train
I am not going to waste time discussing how you classified this flash fiction. I am going to tell you that the writing is solid. I think it wouldn't hurt the flow to punctuate your fragments. I am a fragment user myself, but have recently gone to the other side as I was skillfully shown how to punctuate and still keep the sentences reading choppy. I think the profanity on page one is a little out of place. Up to that point that writing was somewhat sophisticated. You kept it deep and moving. ...
0.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Haiku/Senryu / 9/17/07
Catchy and witty. Well done.
0.0% Review Quality (4 Votes)
Critiques first. If you want to cut some out of this story. I recommend you start with cutting out the tautological phrases. You have a lot of them. Makes the story seem verbose. Next try to stay away from cliched metaphors. Smooth as silk. It is obvious you are a competent writer. You can do without the cliches. The dialogue is fantastic. Truly believable. The flashback wasn't terrible. A little backstory was nice there. Maybe you could cut it back to a paragraph or two though. I think if yo...
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