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JordanBergevine's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Wrentham, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 22
LOC: Wrentham, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 22
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There has been nothing nothing for days the fields are absent of light no use for wheat hands or huskers blank space for us takers finally the lord of written language thumbed through his yellowed files and fulfilled the scriptures the hardy godless slit their ankles and bled and sung in tongues I confessed my sins in the white space above a urinal after days of cleansing a few of us hiked into the belly of Scorpion Canyon we purified water established systems and customs clumsy silverbacks t...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
There has been nothing nothing for days the fields are absent of light no use for wheat hands or huskers blank space for us takers finally the lord of written language thumbed through his yellowed files and fulfilled the scriptures the hardy godless slit their ankles and bled and sung in tongues I confessed my sins in the white space above a urinal after days of cleansing a few of us hiked into the belly of Scorpion Canyon we purified water established systems and customs clumsy silverbacks t...
Version 1
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you beautiful women in the moon this is an illusion for I revolve around you I am Mountain Time I am the ocean tide sweet shape shifter this night you wear a fingernail figure men have surveyed your surface put up flags and left frozen footprints they then retreated to the island of blue I would never do that to you when you are full, orange glow the jealous sculptor is prostrate with envy he regrets how long he left you in the kiln you shine brighter than any intricate Mosaic or thorny Cruc...
Version 2
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you beautiful women in the moon this is an illusion for I revolve around you I am Mountain Time I am the ocean tide sweet shape shifter this night you wear a fingernail figure men have surveyed your surface put up flags and left frozen footprints they then retreated to the island of blue I would never do that to you when you are full, orange glow the jealous sculptor is prostrate with envy he regrets how long he left you in the kiln you shine brighter than any intricate Mosaic or thorny Cruci...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
you beautiful women in the moon this is an illusion for I revolve around you I am Mountain Time I am the ocean tide sweet shape shifter this night you wear a fingernail figure men have surveyed your surface put up flags and left frozen footprints they then retreated to the island of blue I would never do that to you when you are full, orange glow the jealous sculptor is prostrate with envy he regrets how long he left you in the kiln you shine brighter than any intricate Mosaic or thorny Cruci...
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Reviews
i really liked the feel of this poem. the whole dream landscape but the end is lacking for me.
i enjoyed it. i think it just needs to be tightened to help engaged a wider audience. most times the direct path is the best path
I like the idea behind this poem, the story and all. i think if it were expanded and maybe not done is a quick ryhmeing method. Theres a good poem within these lines .
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