Jordan_Walsh's profile

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AGE: 17
LOC: Troy, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 12

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Poetry / America,
Version 1
14 Reviews   5 Comments
America, have I betrayed you with my disapproval for the war? Father, am I a treacherous fag? Should I play football, beat queers, and attend church regularly only to turn my back on tolerance and embrace my heritage? Because I am American. The blood in my veins is as red as the lines on the American flag America, I have been made ashamed of myself! I am perfect the way I am Father, I have learned to accept myself Is it foolish to believe you could also? America, I pledged my allegiance to yo...
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Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
When I see your face illuminated by the faint glow of my last, dying lightbulb I’ll memorize your eyes and the lines that define your flesh one final rough sketch of the most important night of my life When I hear your name roll off my tongue I’ll memorize the movements of my lips and every consonant will be a kiss your name has become a holy hum in the temple of my vocal chords* or a whispered prayer to beauty incarnate Your form has inspired me to believe in God and renewed my faith in the...
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Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
I measure worth in pain and longing in teardrops and droplets of blood pain, suffering, agony paint a beautiful picture of who we are and who we were and who we are to become and who we must be if we are to ever be the one we want to become underneath the light of the dying sun; with the beat of our hearts and the sound of our shoes tapping tap tap tapping on the concrete that longs for our bare feet underneath the dying sun the sun implodes and our eyes implode and they are the same for tha...
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Poetry / December 2006
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
We were warm on the couch, my hands on her hips Pulling her close to form the lover’s divine knot It was the coldest December that I could remember They say it was the coldest in years My hands were nomads, Exploring the geography of her body with wanderlust and lust in plain and when the power went out I realized I needed no eyes to see just my hands to feel the Braille of her body
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Poetry / Women, Part 1
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
I know I should not let my life be run by women But it is harder than you might think A pretty face incites a riot in my mind and heart and my mind recites fantastic plays of unlikely love and the dissolution of loneliness whether it be bathing in the Mediterranean or starving in the bronx I will romanticize her image until the point where companionship outweighs both pleasure and pain I would starve and suffer for her I would etch her name into my flesh Tattoo her figure into the soft skin o...
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Reviews
Removed
Poetry / Oregon Summer
Wow! I feel like you have alot to say in this piece, and the experiences you are able to conjure up to illustrate exactly how "forgettable" you were really add to this piece. I do have a few little pieces of advice... This is probably just me, but I dislike how much time you devoted to "excess" description. I'm a bukowski/ginsberg man through and through, and I think that you owe it to your experiences/past to write a poem that lives up to how you felt/how you feel about it now. Talking about...
Poetry / Deadly Escape
Locked
Lyrics / Little Brother
I apologize in advance for rating it so low, but lyrically...this wasn't very strong. It sort of half-rhymed, and I wasn't able to sing it at all (I'm assuming this is mainstream pop/rock, or even rap). I was able to see the potential though when I went deeper into the song, with all the imagery you DIDN'T use that you could have. You "told" alot, instead of "showing". Get a good balance of showing/telling, include scenes that represent this growing rift between you, work on the structure/rhy...
Poetry / Crimson Illusion
You use pretty words, and you rhyme. This is not what poetry is about, in my opinion. Charles Bukowski onced voiced what he belived to be "everyman's" criticism of poetry: it's pretenscious, flowery, and doesn't come right out and say what it means. Pretty words, structure, and form...these are the technical graces of poetry that you learn in senior year creative writing classes in high school. No one ever teaches you how to be honest and write powerful poetry. This is why I'm not surprised t...
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