KJEghdami's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: La Fayette, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 11
LOC: La Fayette, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 11
- Female
- Eighteen
- Bisexual
- Senior in high school, will be graduating VERY soon.
- Write poetry sometimes, novels, & short stories.
- Love the color green and love nature.
- Have an ex girlfriend that I still love with all of my heart.
- Recently won Young Authors’ Fair!
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Michelle blinked rapidly, her eyes adjusting to the dim light. During the travel by Portkey she must have fainted. The man was looming over her, eyes staring down at her as she shivered beneath His gaze. She made to pull her cloak tightly around herself but realized she wasn't wearing anything and panicked. Had it already happened? Her throat felt as if a large bezoar were lodged in it. She tried to gasp for breath but it was like being under water. The more air she managed to take in the mo...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Michael came over to my house at six in the morning. My sisters are still in bed and will probably remain there for hours because they sleep more than our cat does. My parents already know that Michael's visiting and have promised to keep out of the way. Dad has only just gotten in from work at the hospital and my mom has left for her office downtown where she is known as the Queen of the File Cabinet. Sasha, Michael's dog, stayed outside with the biggest doggy grin on her face. I smiled whe...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
I walked home with him after school that day. We still hadn't spoken to each other. I had no idea what his voice sounded like. I amused myself with pretending that he sounded like Sinatra or Fred Astaire. When I smiled at him he smiled back. The smell of mint never smelled so good. When we reached his house I was surprised. For such an eccentric person he lived in a very average house. White with a porch swing. A dog house on the left side of the yard where a handsome black lab was chained u...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
There is a boy I know and he's beautiful inside even though a lot of people, including him, don't see it. He's the boy that no one understands. The fallen angel with a broken soul. If you look hard enough you can see his wings. His name is Michael. Michael is the boy who sits in the back of the classroom hunched over his desk writing poetry that no one understands. He eats alone at lunch and writes on napkins with ink pens and then runs when people throw food at him. He has hair like raven w...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
I read in my father's journal about his first kiss -- his first love. How he felt when Ms. Lillian Walker came to him crying and he held her as her body shook with soft butterfly sobs. I read about how he breathed in the smell of her hair; that faint smell of apples and cinnamon lingering in the air even after she was gone. She reminded him of a swan -- graceful and beautiful. She also reminded him of an ugly duckling with her heart wounded in some way. He could feel her body shaking and he ...
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Reviews
When writing for possible publication, it's best to type out the entire word rather than just a quick fix. Instead of typing 'OK' try using 'okay.' Also, you need to go back and look at punctuation. There weren't excessive errors here, but enough to be distracting. It's a unique writing style, I'll give you that, and so it kept me entertained and focused on the story.
The only complaint I have is the sentence where you randomly just put up Randy's name in all caps. It ruined the sentence. Apart from that it made me laugh and you definitely caught my attention with the unique writing style. I gave it an eight overall.
Oh Lord - it needs structure. It also needs a major comb-over as far as grammar and punctuation. Instead of having all these random sentences spaced out, put this into two major chunks. That'll help considerably. Otherwise, great writing.
The poem is very well written. The only complaint I have is that it is very well structured until that very last line where it just juts out and sticks out like a sore thumb. Other than that, very well done.
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