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Kathleen's profile
AGE:
45
LOC: Dacoma, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: Dacoma, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
I’m a freelance journalist and fiction writer. My freelance journalism is mostly about either health care or religion, and my fiction is of the largely unpublished variety.
I’ve had a few short stories published here and there in small magazines, and I’ve started and abandoned five novels. I’m currently working on a novel that I’m about 100 pages into. I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to resolve it. I have a general idea, but endings of novels are difficult for me.
I live in an extremely rural area and am fairly reclusive. I idolize John Steinbeck and Virginia Woolf.
Items
Version 2
8 Reviews
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Inside the sprawling adobe compound overlooking the ocean, the core group of the commune’s leaders sat around the kitchen table, their bodies tense, praying in silence. A rush of firelight sliced through the south window. It threw distorting shadows across Jeremiah’s face. Lily shuddered and half-rose from her chair. Jeremiah’s hand shot out and grabbed her arm. “Let it be, Lily,” he said, his voice, so familiar to Lily, soft but the words jarred her. “She’s doing a holy thing. It was the onl...
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Version 2
13 Reviews
0 Comments
Bare feet sliding in cold sand, my toes spread wide to keep a foothold, sand rough on the tender skin between my toes. Cool breeze on my bare body touching every place, coming off the ocean, moist and salty. Rhythmic rumbling of waves, churning up the smooth sand of the beach, loud; waves must be bigger than usual tonight. Stars so bright. My eyes catching on them, then resting on the big orange moon, solid behind thin ragged black clouds rimmed in gold, moonlight glowing on my bare skin. Tea...
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My main problem is with the shrink. Having seen a number of shrinks in my life, I have to say I've never met one who lost control nearly so easily as that. I think the disjointed effect of this narrative makes sense given that the individual is in a bad way, emotionally. I wanted to know much more, like why the child was in the psych hospital, or whatever it was, but since this is the second chapter of a larger work, obviously all of my questions won't be answered here. However, something sho...
"even though every hair on my head had long since been escaped off my scalp," Should probably say that the hair on my head had long since escaped from my scalp. I know you're going for a vernacular style, but "been escaped off my scalp" just sounds wrong to me. This is a good start; I liked the character, and I thought you developed him well, but I felt like it wasn't finished. No resolution was delivered, unless the guy dies at the end, in which case it wasn't quite clear that that's what ha...
I didn't have a problem with the non-traditional way you wrote this piece. I enjoy reading pieces in which people work with language, instead of just copying the way everyone else does things. I wanted to read more.
Okay, I thought this was well done. You asked where you lost people. You kind of lost me when Lauriana was having all of her angst about whether to sleep with Mikell. It just seemed to me that someone on a quest would perhaps be troubled by the conflict, but wouldn't be troubled to the point of running out and sitting out in the Rose Garden for several nights in a row, crying. I would expect conflict, but more self-control. But then I haven't read the rest of the story, so I don't know how im...
This is a good storyline. I'm interested to know what happens next! I know that short sentences are supposed to move the action along faster, but I find that it brings my mind to a halt with each period and disturbs the flow, especially when it's a fragment, such as "He had to fight the urge to run away. But he could not leave." This could easily be one sentence, but instead your second sentence is a fragment.
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