Katja's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 30
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 30
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This is killing me to make me stronger I’m killing me to make me better I’m killing me to kill you harder This is just killing me Not much more to say Expectations killing me Anger killing me Restraints killing me Let me be without a fetter for one day Let me stop killing you And I love working I love being away My escape No longer lives perched upon six strings It kills to leave work at night It kills to be alone at night It kills me to know That I’m killing you It kill...
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How could it be done? When wills collide And others combine And Wanderer watches While we smile But in who's eyes Lies the Truth And who has it been That has been waiting Was it not I My passion spent On the wrong being My Love spent likewise Beleaguered Waiting for the Metaphor Divine The Ardor standing still Awaiting his arrival And now we have returned In blissful wonder My future lies with one and only soul The Jack of Hearts
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Version 1
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How could it be done? When wills collide And others combine And Wanderer watches While we smile But in who's eyes Lies the Truth And who has it been That has been waiting Was it not I My passion spent On the wrong being My Love spent likewise Beleaguered Waiting for the Metaphor Divine The Ardor standing still Awaiting his arrival And now we have returned In blissful wonder My future lies with one and only soul The Jack of Hearts
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No no no And this something Wish it to be true Back to this thing This new thing Can I call it truth? It's about time now Now is the time For this something And of this something Let's make it worth it But what of my other nothing?
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Version 1
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I am the diamond that you secrety treasure, but that cuts your flesh where my crimson tears are uncovered. I am the passionate crescendo of fire burning in your veins when you behold another. I am the Symphony of Destruction played upon your minds piano as you dance to the inconsistant beat. I am the raven flying high above you, watching you in your unyielging plight and deciet. I am the wandering regrets of your broken dreams, existing in your minds dark lair. But to you I am invisible, livi...
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"fiancé’s" should be "fiancée’s" (Two e's with the accent on the first one.) The ending has a much better hold on my attention than the beginning. In the second sentence, the word "defecting" is awkward. Try "defective" or a synonym. Also, the word "Ares" should only be used once in the sentence. It definitely catches my attention.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I struggled throuh the first paragraph. Some of the word order is a bit off. "The kindness of strangers, most of them older women, brought tears each time she remembered small gestures." I feel like there's a word missing here. The end of the sentence isn't quite the right fit. Perhaps try "their small gestures." "They knew why she was running – it was unspoken." The structure of this sentence seems to want to say; "They knew why she was running - it need not be spoken." The dash is misused. ...
The colloquial aspects of this composition make it very real and relatable, yet there are some verb/subject/tense agreement issues. Review verb usage. Also, the beginning of the poem seems very loosely related to the rest of it. The connection is unclear.
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