KezH has no favorites yet.
KezH's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 26
myspace.com/kezhylton
You can see my profile on the above link plus connect withsome of the authors who have inspired me.
Although I am new to writing I have just completed my first book and have a few others that I am working on.
Hopefully I will get the help I need to finally get my book published!
Items
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
CHAPTER EIGHT The evening meal was always the worst part of the day. Jag forcing her attendance by ordering her to be present for the meal in the great hall, where every bloody idiot and his wife was present. With her twisted gift providing her with the latest gossip of who was doing who, that she was not speaking to him and the latest speculation about herself, Myra had a splitting headache. With complete distraction, she toyed with her food, shifting it around the plate until it was obvious...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
6 Reviews
10 Comments
PROLOGUE It started like any other day, rain, quite normal for Scotland although Perth in general wasn’t known for bad weather but beautiful scenery. People seemed to forget the beauty of the landscape here, driving straight past lost in their little bubbles of happiness and security, For her this trip was meant as a pilgrimage, a homage to nature’s own beauty, one of the few things left that Myra could appreciate, looking for beauty in the simplest of things. This holiday in her best friends...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
PROLOGUE It started like any other normal day. Rain. Quite normal for Scotland, Perth in general wasn’t known for bad weather but rather for the beautiful scenery. People seemed to forget the beauty of the landscape here, but this trip was like a pilgrimage, homage to nature’s own beauty. Myra needed to try and find the beauty in the things that surrounded her. This holiday in her best friends lodge was about re-connecting to the world around her. Since the crash there seemed little to hope f...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Please dont take this the wrong way as I;m not very experienced in reviewing Haikus, however I did feel their was a steady flow to your words. Like the water / river you sometimes describe. One bit that did sound odd was "damn missed it again". It sounds too harsh and conflicts against the rest of your words
interesting use of words, combining them does bring some good imagery. However, your long sentence is a little off-beat to the rest of your work, doesnt seem to fit.
well as their was only a little interaction with the male character, its a bit difficult to rate the romance, however i will say that their is comedy in this and i really enjoyed the banter of speech and internal thought. what might make this excerpt a little bit straightforward would be knowing how old Felicity will be / is. that does come across as quite a shock when a child asks their mum for a vibrator. you could advance the sexual banter / foreplay in the begginning by giving Carolyn som...
Yes this is an excellent piece of writing, even if i found it a little complicated, but perhaps that shows an excellent ability to keep the train of thought focused. This is a very emotional piece for the two characters and I believe that is what you were striving for, to express the struggle your main character has with admitting love in any form. Be wary of frustrating your readers with long extracts like this, as it can be too easy to switch off and loose their interest.
At the moment the work is still very rough. you need to work on the phrasing of speech and the pattern of the individual. In terms of erotica, as a teaser / sampler, this is an excellent example but will need polish before it can be published online. to give an example, "deep green eyes she had drown in earlier that day" a suggestion - those deep green eyes, she was helplessly drawn into
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
