Kimmer's profile
AGE:
44
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 08
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 08
I am a stay-at-home mom with a passion for reading and writing. I was looking for a forum to jot my thoughts and get feedback as I have no clue as to whether I am good, poor or in-between. I just know that I love think, dream and scribble. To be able to share with anyone, who is constuctive and honest is a good goal for me. Maybe one day I will aspire to greatness and be remembered as a person to whom ones imagination could soar.
Items
Version 2
29 Reviews
0 Comments
Butterfly, butterfly please fly slow. Butterfly, butterfly where did you go? Butterfly, butterfly are you going home? Butterfly, butterfly don't leave me alone. Butterfly, butterfly where do you sleep? Butterfly, butterfly I hope not in this dustheap. Butterfly, butterfly the sun's going down. Butterfly, butterfly I'll see you around.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
29 Reviews
0 Comments
'Mama, where's the moon?' 'It's in the night sky.' 'But where is the night sky, mama?' 'Well, it's daytime now and it's the sun's turn to shine bright. When it's night-time, it will be the moon's turn.' 'Mama, it's getting dark outside. Where's the moon?' 'It might still be sleeping. Maybe you should tell the moon to wake up.' 'Moon, wake up please. Where are you? Mama, I can't find the moon.' 'Be patient my dear. The moon will come out to play soon.' 'Mama, it's my moon! It's my moon! Look m...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
28 Reviews
0 Comments
Butterfly, butterfly please fly slow. Butterfly, butterfly where did you go? Butterfly, butterfly are you going home? Butterfly, butterfly don't leave me alone. Butterfly, butterfly where do you sleep? Butterfly, butterfly I think I heard you peep. Butterfly, butterfly the sun's going down. Butterfly, butterfly I'll see you around.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
22 Reviews
0 Comments
Grab each day and live in the moment because like snowflakes, no two moments are ever the same. Each has something important and wonderful to offer if you just open your eyes and see.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
21 Reviews
0 Comments
A good day - Watching a young child wake up, stretch, yawn and smile. The smile of innocence, wonderment and anticipation. This we shall call life.
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Reviews
This was a cute story but didn't really grab my attention. I struggled reading through parts as there were multiple spelling and grammar errors. Proof-reading is always a good start when writing. I did like the use of the alphabet throught out the story. I picture the characters as alphabet shaped people. However, with that said, the story lacked depth. I was unable to be drawn into the story as I would have liked. I think you can do lots more with this piece. Keep trying.
I seemed to struggle with flow of the story. I was initially confused as to whether Peter was starting school, ending school or beginning summer. You touched on all three I think within the first paragraph. Pick one time and stick with it. I was also confused with the time line regarding Peter's parents divorce. At first you indicated it happened 1 year ago, then somewhere in there you stated 2 years ago. I also struggled with the whole part of discussing the 4th grade year. I'm not exactly s...
I felt the sentences were too choppy and short. Don't be afraid to expand a sentence and bring more character to it. I didn't feel like this piece made any effort to pull me in. Try maybe using more complex descriptive words. I understood the boy and how he would be pulled into the music but never felt like I was there being pulled into the story which is what I was looking for. I think you have potential to expand this piece. You have some good material to work with as you topic is a good on...
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