at first read i failed to see what you were trying to portray...and was completely thrown by the maple seagull..one envisions a sea gull dripping in syrup...but your review notes clear up all the confusion and make this a tragic and moving read...nice write..

i definately have to agree with this... it's my personal opinion that you cannot know everything without first admitting you know nothing:)

this is a really great read...the imagery and vivid coloration... exquisite...i question italicizing the first stanza..for what reason? are you quoting from something..a song? a memory? either way this poem really draws the reader into your world and allows them to experience it in its entirety

an overall great read...kinda dirty..but i'm not opposed to that kind of writing...the only thing i questioned was the blue eggs...do quails lay blue eggs? aren't those reserved for a robin? is this an allusion to 'blue balls'? heh...anyways i love most the first two and last three lines...great write

hmm...this piece does evoke emotion..as it is meant to do..the last line is the most powerful in my opinion..but the rest of the poem is an enigma...it is very hard to see what is happening in this piece..harder still to put yourself there or relate to it...and a cat attacked by a rat..well it's just silly...the rat would just get eaten..and rats are smarter than that anyways heh...i think it would add to the piece to omit 'attacked by a rat' entirely...the italicized lines of 'where is the m...

i really like this one alot...short and sweets grab me...especially when the emotion evoked causes chills...something about the melancholy of captivity mixed with what the iguana has been taught to care about..really endearing piece...and now a fave...

since this poem is an experiement in -ing ending lines..it serves its purpose well...the imagery you create is very kool and inviting...but for submission as an actual poetic venture i think you would want to break away from the -ing endings...in the last line you need to change the 'is walking' to 'are walking'...because you are talking about 2 people.. a man is walking...but a man and child are walking...i also had a bit of a problem with forming, following pitter-pattering...interrupted th...

i'm wondering if maybe this shouldn't have been submitted as a quote...or even shortened to a haiku format..as it is..sorry, but for me..it's not very poetic...now as a quote...my rating would be much higher

i really enjoyed reading this.. just a couple of suggestions:) in the line "But then again, the worlds just so, " you are saying the 'world is just so'... so i would either add an apostrophe to 'world's' or say 'the world is just so' and the comma after the word 'so' is unnecessary... also.. in the line "Your facials and gestures convey your choice"... 'facials' are a cosmetic treatment..not an expression... a possible suggestion for this line that would adhere to the meaning you are going fo...

i really like how this starts out..and it flows really great.. i can definitely imagine it being shared as spoken word on a stage... i wonder if you would have said 'd.i.y.' or 'do-it-yourself'? but i think i can tell you were tired when you wrote this... you seem to 'lose it', in a way, at the end... "...in a vein on the wrist that writes these words to you know?" (...'now?'...'you, ya know?') what were you meaning to say here? slight typo with pretend...and the ending..seems a bit weak in c...