Kpalm's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Centerville, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 14
LOC: Centerville, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 14
I’m Kevin. People call me kpalm. I write a lot. Most of the things I write are edited while I’m typing them, due to the nature of the computer. Therefore, most things on this site are first/mild-final drafts. I’m looking for feedback on how to make the drafts the best they can be so when I go to a publisher I won’t be laughed at. I love reading poetry and all sorts of other literature.
PS: I’m looking for good helpful feedback. I only leave reviews with my honest and informative opinions from a poet’s perspective, and the readers. If you give me a review and it happens to be something like
“this was inspirational. it touched me in ways i wish my father had…”
or anything else that is purely opinion, I’m going to refund it. I’m not …
Items
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Drifting away, lost in thought- leave me to my peaces. Up I stare at corrugated ceilings peppered with pencils. I snap to Earth and look around to see a drooling fellow, sitting next to me. All around my little island moats of space surround, I’m separated from my siblings- their eyes are glazed as well. I let my ponder take my brain and leave this worthless hell.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Bouncing, bubbling endlessly through thoughts that thicken patiently; cauldrons coughing callously with whispers waiting lustfully. I never thought that I could be a man beyond my time. Sitting, staring silently, while numbing numbers gnaw away at cobwebs claiming borrowed brains. I beat down –isms viciously for fear of catching ignorance. Harlots, holding hopefully to trains of tragic misery, make molds for future faults; lynches lobbed so lusciously as liberty lay hanging.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
3 Comments
An elegant masterpiece with columns and windows, even walkways to the doors. Each wooden block in its place, creating the most beautiful castle ever seen. It’s triangular towers a marvel with their reds on the peaks, based by the blues, held up by the orange. At the center stands A single yellow block that looks gold due to age. “It’s perfect”, he sighs, his mouth gaping with glee. His awe turns to horror as she tears down her work. “No. It wasn’t.”
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
A single petal askew from its brethren; bent slightly upward in hopes of reaching the sun just a little bit faster. Wind plays with this thoughtful little leaflet, pushing it in and out of conformity; yet constantly the creases creep, creating a Criminal. A deviant, and yet integral part of all we know and accept as truth. Integral in that without it, the system in which we live would be flawless. Flawless, and yet imperfect, for perfection is gained when the system finds a point where everyt...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
11 Comments
Without a second glance out the door, she left me laying alone. Hoping one day soon, before it’s too late, she’d be back in my arms. As warmth faded from my fingertips, I felt the tissue scab and begin to scar. A final flash of light crossed my eyes, a flash of the life we lived together; so brief. Yet with each thought and dream of the past, I felt strength. I snapped the chains keeping down my arms and legs, and kicked down the brick that stood between me and the sun. With that one dazzling...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
You have an amazing message here, although it doesn't hold nearly as much power as it would if you would separate the lines. It looks as though you were trying to stray away from a multi-linear poem, but the true strength of this piece will be found when you put line breaks in to emphasize pauses. I especially think "Wielded in power, wielded in strife" should be separated. Leaving each one to captivate the reader with it's own power will greatly increase the intensity of the message. Just af...
The first thing I'd like to say is that I love the line "emotions like oceans". That truly holds so much power, flow, and even a nice little rhyme all in three words. To me, that line is the essence of this piece. I would like to point out, however, that contained in those three words is the entire metaphor for this entire poem. Personally, I'm not sure why you added anything after that. You could have just left it at 'emotions like oceans' and bam. To me, that has a much stronger ending that...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I love this. Although, I think it might have more power if you separate the single line. Most of these 6 word pieces hold a lot of power on their own, however as I look at it all I can think of is letting the last 2 words hang with such power on their own. I dunno, just a thought. Another idea I had was changing 'having' to 'eating' or something along those lines, but that's not really as necessary. Best, Kpalm
I love the idea of this piece. A lover who waltzed in, and just as easily waltzed out. The first point I'm not too clear on is what the purpose of the 'cat hair laden precipices' has to do with anything. Sure it's a nice image, and a cute title, but it really has no place in your poem currently. The way this piece reads it almost seems like there are two completely separate poems in it. It doesn't feel like a single piece, because the upper part finishes on 'where are you...' and starts the s...
I have to say, at first I really didn't like this. However after re-reading (yeah I know it's 6 lines) and putting it into context it grew on me a lot. Your sex word memoirs are coming along nicely, and I'd like to see them all combined into a single finished piece someday.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
