KristenVee's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Boerne, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 07
LOC: Boerne, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 07
I like to think I am pretty intune with subculture.
There are 5 things in life that get me excited easily:
1. nachos
2. tacos
3. cheezy music
4. obnoxiously large hair
5. scented lotion
I am easily amused.
I’m 22, a writer, a lover, a singer, a praiser, a listener, a dreamer, a Shel Silverstein nerd.
For once in my life, I want a car that works.
Eventually I will be out of school, but until then I collect a large amount of debt.
Maybe I will learn to play the piano.
Items
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I live in a world where I see images as words. Sometimes I wish someone would come and take me home. (or maybe get me somewhere close to sanity) I wonder what God is thinking up there with his hilbilly hat (and peacock feather) "Order in your chaos, young girl, order it in" He came up to me and put his arms around my neck and let my hair flow in the wind after he kissed me. Back to God's hat.
Version 1
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Everyday is monday and everyone feels the same (blue and unhealthy) The calm before the storm as my limbs are both (he yearns to climb both) The manes that grow wild and I've opened the gate (let them run where they should)
Version 1
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Seventy kilometers and you can call me yours In the sunshine with the world watching. (through red spectacles with scratches) Every girl you knew until this moment, Every girl you screened Every girl you loved and loathed Every girl you wrote a song to Should envy me. The only roses I would know Lead me to your ripened skin And as I bite into this apple I know love is a song Sung from within. All the bridges that still stand With the water that flows And crashes and floods Will never burn For...
Version 1
2 Reviews
4 Comments
As the bronze Jesus carries the Cubist cross over the desert sand A lobster is answering the phone somewhere. And I am inches away from what his breath has blessed. Je t'aime Salvadore. Je t'aime Pablo. As time pulls us left and right, we become victim, and wish for the Mexican beans. If you didn't like Dali, Picasso is just downstairs. They both spoke French anyways
Version 1
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Through the corridors and down the alleyways The court of the clock with argyle bricks And the bedchambers of the untrusting dreams I find myself a lover to call my own Waiting for his cherubs to remove his armor And his Venus to carry his heir to the thrown. Tapestries continuously warming the walls Just as I shake the Royal hand, His jewels are heavy, and as bright as the windows, So I’ll curtsey, and call him my own We can call the cooks to work for a meal Just the two of us, in his glorio...
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Reviews
For a 13 year old, this is good. In stanza 6, line 2, I would replace "stringed" with "strung" because it not only flows better, but is the proper use of the past tense of "string." I would also suggest you go through and check for capitalization and grammar. In your last stanza I applaude you for not having "show" and "bow" rhyme. By using a slant rhyme here (or whatever term you know it by), it adds a great ending to this piece. In the future, I would encourage you to play around with rhyme...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging
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Ugly Beautiful-The Darkside of the Hamptons Lifestyle by an Outsider who Became and Insider
There are some mild grammar problems that I would suggest fixing. The sentence that starts... "I was born in Hollywood..." doesn't work well with me because of the comment about your parents working with Diana Ross. You start off your second sentence with "On the other hand..." and it sticks out like a sore thumb (no pun intended). I want to keep reading this though. It sounds like it could be a trainwreck of a story. I am intrigued! Do you have any more sections to read?
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Knowing that this is based on a dream makes me appreciate it more. At first I was very confused because it seems to skip around, but since dreams skip around quite a bit (or atleast mine do) I felt a connection. The first two lines really stick out. I feel almost as though there should be a word in there that you can take out the first and last syllables. The first line of the last stanza also impresses me, I can visualize someone small and weakened. Your description throughout this work impr...
While something could be so short, it has pulled me in with tons of questions. I already want to pick apart this piece, just to see what "the pen" has done to you in the past. Great piece. it has the reader's attention and a desire to know the history of the piece.
I am impressed with this because you use amazing alliteration and I enjoy the rhymes being in the same lines. I am not a big fan of the ABAB pattern, so this is something fresh. This poem flows smoothly when read outloud and I am fainting over the second stanza, especially "leaving the bright light insane..." Keep up the good work. This is phenomenal and I would love to read more of your work.
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